Daily Cuppa Joy...Life is Sweet

Minecraft Review

2012-01-27T18:06:00.000-05:00

I shared this on facebook, but then thought some of my Daily Cuppa Joy readers who also happen to be Minecraft fans might enjoy Ben's review of the game. It's his first video and he's planning to make more in the future. Enjoy!

Wordless Wednesday - Our Crazy Dog

2012-01-25T06:00:00.000-05:00

What Learning Looks Like Lately.

2012-01-14T09:02:00.000-05:00

Otherwise known as Daily Life. Here's a snapshot of 4:45 yesterday afternoon. Baby, it's cold outside, but we're toasty warm in here! We've been congregating in the living room recently as the house is 200 years old and it's just not efficient or affordable to heat the whole place. It's nice to have everyone together all day, in the warmer weather we tend to scatter throughout the house and yard.

Arthur and Ethan are playing Super Mario Bros. Wii. About 5 minutes after I took this, they shut it off and Ethan started playing with the toys on the table while Arthur curled up on the couch with a Pokemon book. Ben is playing Skyrim upside down in the chair. David has a bunch of bicycle quick release skewers on the coffee table that he's getting ready to sell on eBay and I've been getting organized to do some writing, sketching and painting this weekend. That's just yesterday, one moment in time.

In other moments over the past few weeks Ben has been Skyping with friends late into the night, researching and playing minecraft, writing a picture book manuscript for the 12 x 12 in 2012 challenge, watching a wide variety of shows on Netflix from documentaries to South Park, researching and writing his fantasy novel, reading Wonderstruck, quilling for a commissioned piece and planning a trip to visit a good friend. Busy dude!

Arthur has been kicking butt on Angry Birds (he holds the top scores in the house), playing with his Playmobil sets, watching his favorite shows on Netflix, reading his new books from Christmas and his birthday, singing every night after he goes to bed, playing Skylanders and Super Mario Bros on the Wii and talking. Talking and talking and talking. Complete sentences, expressing his emotions clearly, joking with us and engaging in silly wordplay. Wow.

Ethan loves to help David, stacking wood, fixing the truck, shoveling snow over the past few weeks. He even has his own pair of work gloves! He has been writing letters to me, drawing pictures of what he sees around the house and what he imagines, playing ToonTown (pretend and online), watching many different shows on Netflix, telling stories, asking me to read to him, enjoying Skylanders and Super Mario Bros on Wii, and asking "Why?" frequently and really listening to the answers.

It seems like once a month David and I look at each other and express amazement at how much the boys have grown and learned. I've taken to asking Ben what his search history is on Google because I love hearing about the rabbit trails he's following. It also helps with the record keeping I need to do here in Maine. It's not as bad as some states, but it's not as good as Montana!

I hope your life is full of new ideas and learning fun!

Wordless Wednesday - Then and Now

2012-01-11T14:45:00.000-05:00

Wordless Wednesday

2012-01-04T09:17:00.000-05:00

Our Year in Review

2012-01-02T08:00:00.000-05:00

I love recap posts and articles. The year's best books, biggest news events, beautiful photographs, articles that are satirical, writing that is thought provoking or silly. I love it all, so here is my 2011 Year in Review as I look forward to new adventures in 2012.

January was spent in Port Aransas, TX, a little town on Mustang Island, one of the many barrier islands along the Gulf Coast. This is where Ethan turned 8 and we visited the Padre Island National Seashore several times (including the one when we almost lost our truck to the Gulf of Mexico, dramatic story for another day). We enjoyed the Texas State Aquarium, the Art Museum of South Texas and the Texas State Museum of Asian Cultures.

In February we traveled all across the big old state of Texas. In our year and a bit journey, we discovered that Texas has an amazingly beautiful, diverse and quite affordable state park system. After visiting friends in New Braunfels, we stayed at Inks Lake State Park, toured Longhorn Cavern State Park, explored South Llano River State Park (where we saw our first armadillo!), soaked in the hot springs of Balmorhea State Park (visiting the McDonald Observatory from there) and played in the dunes of Monahans Sandhills State Park. I think maybe my guys liked playing in the sand!

February also found us in Big Bend National Park. Whenever someone asks me about my favorite places from our travels, Big Bend is right up at the top of the list. Raw, breathtaking, awe inspiring, it is one of the few truly wild places left in this country.

Oh, March! We moved north into New Mexico, stopping at Carlsbad Caverns National Park for a day trip into the depths of the Earth. The rock formations and underground lakes were eerie and beautiful.

We stayed at Bottomless Lakes State Park and visited nearby Roswell, NM. It's the dairy capital of the Southwest, but we saw more of this in the downtown area. Aliens speak Spanish and loan money! David did find some delicious steaks from a local supermarket for us, it being the dairy capital of the Southwest and all.

Three weeks were spent in Albuquerque, visiting friends, Santa Fe, the Chaco Culture National Historical Park (a thriving urban center from AD 850 to 1250), Petroglyph National Monument, The National Museum of Nuclear Science and History, Explora Children's Museum and hiking the ancient volcanoes by our campground. Then we moved on to Oliver Lee State Park in Alamogordo to relax and visit White Sands National Monument. That's sand, not snow you see in this photo!

April was very busy. We had a lot we wanted to see in the Southwest, but were committed to appointments in Bozeman, MT in May. We smoked the brakes getting there and almost overheated the transmission on our way out, but the tiny campground in Gila Hot Springs, NM was well worth it. Goat kids playing outside our window, hot springs to soak in, Gila Cliff Dwellings National Monument and a tree full of Great Blue Heron.

After a trip to Tucson, AZ to visit family and friends, the Arizona-Sonoran Desert Museum, seeing a 150 year old saguaro cactus, quick stop at THE THING roadside attraction, Dead Horse Ranch State Park, we found ourselves at a Meteor Crater near Winslow, AZ, the result of an asteroid hitting the Earth about 50,000 years ago.

The Painted Desert and Petrified Forest National Park was a windy, chilly and incredible day. My photo does not do the purple color of the rocks justice.

The petrified trees were unreal. The colors of the minerals left behind were so vibrant!

Many of the trees retained the details of their rings and bark, it's just all stone now. It's very surreal, the eyes see tree and the hands feel rock.

Of course, we had to stop at the Grand Canyon. It was very crowded and not as appealing to the boys as other parks we've visited because it's not as accessible to younger people as Glacier, Big Bend or the Everglades. However, it is pretty cool to stand on the edge of this and think about how it was formed by a river.

Coral Pink Sand Dunes State Park in Utah. The sand is actually a deep, rich, coral color and since we had visited the sandhills of Texas and the white sands of New Mexico, we couldn't pass up the pink sands of Utah.

Zion Canyon on Easter weekend. We rode the bus up the canyon to see spectacular views and waterfalls.

Bryce Canyon a few days later. The hoodoos are formed when winter snow begins to melt, seeping into cracks in the rock. As it freezes at night, it expands, prying open the cracks bit by bit until pieces fall off leaving these spires.

We landed in Bozeman. MT for the month of May, reconnecting with friends, reorganizing our storage, seeing our doctors and looking at properties as our traveling days were coming to an end. Our almost 14 year old was needing more privacy, space for projects and stable internet to connect with friends. Life is all about change!

On our way back East in the beginning of June, we stopped in Boulder to visit friends and in an online search found our dream home. We left for Maine, put in an offer that was accepted and started making plans for painting, repairing and getting our stuff moved across the country.

June ended up being a month of highs and lows without a whole lot in between. There was excitement over our new home, I was offered the chance to illustrate a book for Do Life Right Publishing, our favorite unschooling conference to meet up with old friends and make some new, Ben attending his first Pokemon video game tournament and my and Ben's birthdays thrown in the mix. Then on the day after my birthday, my brother was in a terrible accident on his motorcycle, losing the lower part of his left leg. It was a very intense time, those three weeks he was in the hospital. Six months later he is back on 2 feet and doing great, something I am so incredibly grateful for this year.

I call July the lost month between hospital visits, prepping to work on the book, closing on the house then discovering it was infested with fleas. Yuck! Lots of tearing out carpets, cleaning and spraying going on. It was a good thing we could live in twohouse while we cleaned up the house!

August was all about painting, sanding, building, cleaning and moving. The house had been a rental for several years, the most recent renters weren't very clean or respectful of the property and we had a whole lot to do to make this space beautiful and livable.

September, October, November and December we were learning to live in a house again and settling into daily life in one place.

We adopted a puppy. Isn't she sweet?

The Fryeburg Fair was fun in October and Arthur found his long lost twin in sheep form. Love that hair!

We were able to experience the beauty that is autumn in New England after being away for 5 years.

Ethan and David love the new-to-us tractor and have many projects planned for our 16 acres.

Ben had fun with an acting class.

Lots and lots of exploring in the woods behind our house.

The Howling Vowels was published in November, along with the launch of my illustration website and blog.

We have also had plenty of time to visit with friends and family, play in the snow, celebrate Arthur's and David's birthdays, relax by the fire and make plans for the next year. David and I are working on different ways to earn a living from home this year, a challenging and interesting path to walk.

Here's to 2012, I can't wait to see what this year brings!

Wordless Wednesday:Pre-Christmas Snow

2011-12-28T11:10:00.000-05:00

More From the Bookshelf

2011-05-22T09:46:00.001-04:00

Well, I've covered the books that Arthur and Ethan have been enjoying over the past couple of weeks. Here is what Ben, David and I have had on our bookshelves lately.

Audio Books have always appealed to Ben, he can hear a good tale while working on other projects at the same time. He has pulled out The Hobbit, one he has not listened to for about 3 years, and spent a rainy day curled up in bed, lost in the wonder of Middle Earth. When the sun managed to break through the banks of clouds for the first time in days, Ben plunked the CD player in his backpack, snaked the headphones out the top and went for a walk through the field next to our campsite, still listening.

Ben and I have been reading the Septimus Heap books over the past 6 months. Well, I have been reading and he has been knitting, drawing or sculpting as he listens. We both enjoy science fiction and fantasy quite a bit and these have interesting characters and good storytelling. The stories move along with enough detail to keep Ben's interest, humorous moments that have us laughing out loud and situations that have sparked some interesting conversations about character motivation and what may develop. The sixth book Darke will be out in just a few short weeks.

We finished Queste about a week ago and intended to move directly on to Syren, but became distracted by this:

I picked up Memories of the Future on Kindle after being introduced to Wil Wheaton's blog by a Star Trek loving friend. David and I have always enjoyed watching the shows, but I wouldn't claim to be a Trekkie (I just don't know enough to use that title). Star Trek The Next Generation was the show that introduced me to the whole Star Trek universe and I was intrigued to read a behind the scenes account of the first season.

This book is a riot! I was about 2 dozen or so pages in when I decided that it was too funny to keep to myself and began reading it aloud to David as he did the dishes. Ben was drawn out of his bedroom by our laughter and declared that he was willing to wait to see what happened to Septimus because he had to hear more of this book. One night as I was reading, Ben said "I have no idea about half of what he's talking about, but it's really funny and I can't wait to see the shows!" When we stop traveling and have more reliable internet, we'll be bringing Ben up to speed. We have sorely neglected his geek education.

Leviathan and Behemoth were recommended to me by a friend's son and I can't wait to read them to Ben! (After Memories of the Future and Syren, of course) These steampunk novels set at the beginning of WWI are fantastic tales of flying whales, bats that drop darts, walking machines that have horrifying destructive powers and main characters that hold secret upon secret upon mystery. Scott Westerfield has a nice section at the end of each book explaining which parts are historically accurate, which parts are not and why he chose to change history. Keith Thompson's artwork is wonderful, I love well done, detailed black and white work. Check out his website and I'll see you in a few hours. Behemoth also introduced me to the word "perspicacious", a lovely word that should be used more often in general conversation.

A quick rundown on the other books David and I are reading:

Interworld by Neil Gaiman and Michael Reaves - An excellent book about alternate dimensions, walkers and battles between magic and non magic words. I wish they had delved deeper into this story, I wanted to know much more about the characters and how their adventures developed. The book ended far to soon for me.

Neverwhere by Neil Gaiman - A story about London Above, London Below and the people who fall through the cracks. Richard Mayhew finds his entire life disrupted after being a good samaritan and helping a desperate young woman named Door, discovering a side of London that most people Above never dream exists. I'm actually re-reading this one, it was that good the first time around.

Bag of Bones by Stephen King- David is enjoying this one, a widower, a young widow and her 3yo child, a haunted house and small town in Maine with a dark secret. Standard Stephen King and a fun read.

Gun Digest Book of the .22 Rifle by C. Rodney James - A history of the development of the .22 caliber cartridge, it's strength and limits and technical aspects of the gun. Another David pick.

Haynes Repair Manual Ford Super Duty F250 and F350 Pickups - Obviously this applies to the vehicle we are currently driving, the BATMobile, but David does enjoy reading technical and how to manuals. Understanding how things work is a continuing interest of his and a handy one at that.

There is one more non-fiction book that I picked up last week, but I want to write in depth about it at a later date. Until then, happy reading!

Arthur Book Picks

2011-05-19T16:21:00.004-04:00

In addition to the books that I read aloud, Arthur has a revolving collection that he spends quite a bit of time looking at every day. The past couple of weeks has seen a resurgence of interest in animal and nature books.
Arthur received the National Geographic Animal Encyclopedia for Christmas a couple of years ago and he has literally read the covers off of it. Last weekend, Arthur, Ethan and I whiled away the morning looking through this book and talking about the different animals that interested them, cuttlefish, ostrich, sea stars and urchins to name a few. Then we spent some time on youtube finding videos of those animals to see what they sounded like and how they moved. We even found a video of the gray striped francolin, which is a bird with a piercingly loud voice. Arthur and Ethan were very impressed.

A Seed is Sleepy and An Egg is Quiet are just Arthur's kind of book, beautiful illustrations showcasing the wide variety of seeds and eggs that can be found all around the world and some interesting facts about them. An ostrich egg can weigh as much as 8lbs and a hummingbird egg is about the size of a jelly bean. The seed book even has a picture of the hamburger sea bean that we found down in Port Aransas, TX! He enjoys looking at the endpages that have a mosaic of eggs, animals, seeds and plants. We found them at the library and loved them so much, we bought our own copies.

Animalia is eye candy, pure and simple. Each page is a brightly colored seek and find telling a story with each letter. It seems like every time Arthur pulls it out, he finds new items and creatures hidden in the pages. Unlike many other alphabet books, this one is clever and attractive. It's easy to see why it holds Arthur's attention.

Next up, what have Ben, David and I been reading?

Recent Read Alouds

2011-05-19T14:40:00.001-04:00

The stories of childhood leave an indelible impression, and their author always has a niche in the temple of memory from which the image is never cast out to be thrown on the rubbish heap of things that are outgrown and outlived. ~Howard Pyle

We have been having fun with stories here lately, from what Ethan calls "pretend stories" (David spinning a tale or three) to old and new favorites from our bookshelves. These are a dozen that have been in heavy circulation over the past week.

The Three Little Wolves and The Big Bad Pig is a sweet take on the story of the three little pigs. The three wolf brothers (just like our house as Ethan quickly pointed out) are trying to make their way in the world after their mom informs them, rather abruptly,that it's time to move out on their own. They are told to watch out for the big, bad pig who is truly big, bad and wielding power tools, but the little wolves and their china teapot manage to survive and solve the pig problem at the same time. Helen Oxenbury created the beautiful illustrations, really the artwork alone makes the book a good buy, and her little wolves are adorable.

Jon Scieszka and Lane Smith are mad geniuses and if you don't believe me, check out SquidsWill Be Squids Fresh Morals/Beastly Fables and The Stinky Cheese Man and Other Fairly Stupid Tales, both old favorites in our house. The True Story of the Three Little Pigs is a witty, sly and fantastic twist on a classic tale as told by the poor, misunderstood wolf, who just wanted to bake a cake for his dear old granny. Ethan and Arthur are never quite convinced of wolfie's innocence, too many unlikely incidents and his story just doesn't ring true to them. It's a great opportunity to talk about perception and how stories can change depending upon a person's (or pig's, or wolf's) point of view.

A classic and one of my all time favorites from when I was a kid. Alexander is having the worst day a boy could have from the moment he gets out of bed until it's time to put on the pajamas that he hates. This book is a blast to read aloud and the illustrations perfectly capture Alexander's frustrations. I think we can all relate to his experiences! After you read Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day, check out this version featuring Alexander the Great.

Frog and Toad fans (me, me!) will enjoy well-intentioned but hapless Owl in Owl at Home. He's more closely related to Toad than Frog in his approach to life and I can't believe that I didn't find this little gem until a few months ago. His character makes reading aloud fun and the situations Owl find himself in are unusual, to say the least. He invites winter in to warm by the fire, tries to be upstairs and downstairs at the same time (Ethan loves this one), finds bumps in his bed and makes tearwater tea. I love Owls reactions to his situations and the ending to the book is just right.

There's not much I can say about Where the Wild things Are that hasn't been said a million times over. It is wonderful and if you don't get up and dance a wild rumpus when you're reading it, well, then you're just not getting everything you could out of this story.

This is a new find thanks to Melissa Wiley over at Here in the Bonny Glen, a place where I've found many wonderful book recommendations over the past several years. A Sick Day for Amos McGee is the story of a zookeeper whose insight and care for his animals is returned to him many times over. Arthur and Ethan love the relationships that Amos has with the elephant, tortoise, penguin, rhinoceros and owl. The illustrations are delicate, reflecting the gentle personality of Amos Mcgee. Lovely all around.

Flora's Very Windy Day is another Bonny Glen pick and an excellent one it is, too. Flora is aggravated with her little brother, Crispin, who has spilled her paints, AGAIN! Her mother sends her outside on a windy day to play with Crispin where Flora tells the wind that it cannot lift her because she is wearing her "super-special heavy-duty red boots" and points out that her brother is wearing "regular old purple boots." The wind sweeps Crispin up and Flora needs to decide whether or not she really wants to get rid of her pesky little brother. I love the simple, expressive illustrations and the wordless last page is the best part of the whole book. At least, according to me, Arthur and Ethan.

The book Heckedy Peg is a bit dark and something that Arthur and Ethan need to be in the mood to hear. The one-legged witch Heckedy Peg tricks the seven brothers and sisters Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday into letting her into their cottage and lighting her pipe while their mother is away at the market. Once inside, she turns them all into different food items and carts them home to eat for dinner! Of course, mom sets off to rescue them in the deep, dark wilds where Heckedy peg lives. This story could be scary for more sensitive kids, Heckedy Peg is creepy and the mom is asked to cut off her own feet in order to enter the witches house, but it remains one of my all time favorites. The illustrations are breathtakingly beautiful and Arthur has spent hours poring over each page to take in every detail.

Dog Breath is written by Dav Pilkey of Captain Underpants fame and it is the tale of Hally Tosis, the dog with the unfortunate death breath problem. The Tosis family puts up with Hally's stink until Hally knocks out Ol' Grandma Tosis, when the parents inform the children it's time for Hally to go. The book is filled with silly puns and illustrations of wilting plants and collapsed crowds. This is a favorite for Ethan and we spend a lot of time discussing the effects of Hally's toxic breath.

Hurty Feelings is oh so very much fun to read out loud. Fragility is a hippo with exceptionally sensitive emotions and the most innocent of comments can send her of into hysterical wails of "you hurt my feeeeelings!" We've read this one so many times that Arthur and Ethan chime in on this line. Rudy the elephant tries to bully Fragility with some unexpected results that crack my guys up every time. Lynn Munsinger is one of Arthur's very favorite illustrators and her rendition of Felicity is a thing of baggy beauty.

Sheep in a Jeep, simple and funny. These enthusiastic friends just can't seem to get it together enough to travel more than a few feet down the road at a time. Part of the fun in reading this one out loud is adding our own rhyming lines to the story. It's a great book to introduce the concept of rhyming.

Several years ago, I participated in a program called Mother Goose Asks Why designed to encourage parents to read to and do activities with their kids. I was already doing both of these things with my boys, but the books and related activities were a nice addition to our repertoire.
Who Sank the Boat was one of the books we received, a simple story about 5 animals attempting to spend the afternoon in a rowboat. Ethan enjoys this one because he was so surprised the first time we read it to discover who actually sank the boat!

When I started compiling a list to write about what books we're reading now I realized that, between the five of us, there are quite a few books being enjoyed. I am going to do a couple of posts about the other books we've been reading individually and together.

Affirmation

2011-04-16T22:43:00.008-04:00

I am still working hard on deschooling myself, nonsense pops up in my head during those times when my boys are having quiet periods. The stretches of time when it feels like they do nothing but watch the same movie over and over, play video games for hours on end, don't seem to want to do anything new. Those stretches of time when I fight with varying amounts of success to keep my mouth shut because I know that so much is going on with them and it's my own fears and conditioning after years of institutional education that makes it feel as if they won't learn anything ever.

Then the affirmation arrives, for me only because Ben, Arthur and Ethan have absolutely no need to have their choices validated.

We are coming out of one of those processing periods, the downswing of activity, and it has been beautiful to see what their brains have been up to.

Ben asked us to pick up a practice 8th grade standardized test, for fun and because he's curious about what schools expect someone his age to know. He doesn't care about the results and he's asking for help when he needs it (very rarely) because he views it as a learning experience. Ben is actually more interested in what he doesn't know than what he does. He was also surprised at how little the test has to do with thinking, an interesting discovery. He has been writing again, researching new gaming systems and games and reigniting an interest in photography. Last night, he expressed to David that he wanted to start hiking more to get himself some exercise and take photographs. Today they spent a few hours hiking down the Grand Canyon where Ben took some spectacular shots. They plan to go back out early one morning to photograph the Canyon in a different light. It's exciting to see his interests grow.

Arthur is talking more and more every day, expressing his ideas and desires so clearly it makes my heart ache. He now tells us when he is hungry, tired, happy, angry, sad or scared. He was angry at Ben one day and started saying "no more poop" over and over. We suddenly realized it was Arthur's way of saying "cut the shit" - awesome! When we visited the Meteor Crater in northern Arizona, he watched the video recreation of the impact and then ran to the window, holding his arms out wide to the crater and saying "boom! boom!". Connections, connections. This evening, we were watching a ground squirrel dig a hole near our campsite. Another family arrived and when they climbed out of their RV, Arthur ran over to the mom and two kids telling them to "come here, ground squirrels!" They are visiting from France and were very interested in the ground squirrel activity. His confidence in addressing people other than family is growing.

Ethan's new word is "why" and he is truly interested in the answers. Putting together different bits of information to form new ideas and understandings. There are animals that lay eggs, others do not. Ground squirrels dig their homes underground, tunnels and chambers included. Trees can be turned to stone if you have the right conditions and enough time. Books are written by people who "pretend" the stories and write them down to share, just as he makes up his own games. I just finished reading him his first chapter book and he had so many questions about the characters and events in the story He is very intrigued by family connections, who belongs to David, who belongs to me and how the people fit together in the family tree. Ethan is taking in the world with wide open eyes.

These are the moments to hold onto for those times when the old fears resurface, a way to quiet myself and enjoy the life that we have.

Some Creative Doings

2011-03-28T16:45:00.006-04:00

A few of the projects the family has been having fun with lately. Arthur purchased a Magic School Bus Solar System kit when we visited the McDonald Observatory for a star party earlier this month. A pretty cool experience! He decided the time was right to paint his planets last week. Looks good! We'll see how it does the next time we move locations, I hope it stays up.

We re-discovered these turkey kits, given to us when we attended a homeschoolers Thanksgiving potluck dinner in New Orleans. Ethan constructed...

and deconstructed his turkey. It seems that the turkey is suffering terribly.

A drawing by Ethan. I love that he drew the baby wearing glasses because he received his first pair when he was 10 months old.

Random Bendaroo art on the fridge. We also have interesting (to us) quotes from authors, philosophers, friends and movies posted on the kitchen cabinets. The fox bendaroo hangs above a quote from The Fantastic Mr. Fox.

Oddish! One of my very favorite Pokemon. Ben's blue face reminds me of the ghouls from the movie Pom Poko, a great flick. Those raccoons really know how to throw a party.

In January, Ben decorated our walls with an army of paper Pokemon which have survived the cat's paper eating habit for the past 2 1/2 months. It's been nice to decorate twohouse with our creations, it feels much more cozy than the standard condo-type wallpaper and furniture fabric. More modifications to follow, I'm sure.

What's Important to Ben

2011-02-27T14:50:00.002-05:00

Well, many things are important to Ben. He is a dynamic, interesting person with a myriad of opinions. This weekend, the topic of NPR and PBS losing their funding was at the forefront of his mind and he decided to take action. Sen. Max Baucus, Sen. Jon Tester and Rep. Denny Rehberg listen up!

Ben's letter follows.

I am writing to you because I am concerned that the government will cut funding for NPR and PBS. I feel that this is an incorrect thing to do because NPR and PBS are an important part of our nation and an important part of my education because I am home schooled.

PBS is important because it offers quality children’s programming, such as Sesame Street, Word World, Super Why and The Cat in the Hat. My brothers really enjoy those programs and I have fond memories of watching Sesame Street when I was young and asking my mom questions about what they were saying and her answering me. I see my brothers watching Super Why, then going to read books and pretending like they are in the show. PBS programs are high quality because they don’t demean kids and treat them like they are brainless or empty boxes waiting to be filled with information.

These days I enjoy shows such as NOVA, NOVA Science Now, Nature, Frontline, Independent Lens and, occasionally, Masterpiece Theatre with my parents. PBS has managed to maintain programs that actually contain valid information rather than 5 second factoids, sensationalism and too many commercials.

On NPR I enjoy listening to All Things Considered, Wait, Wait Don’t Tell Me, This American Life, Car Talk and Prairie Home Companion. I enjoy those shows because some of them are funny, some of them are informative, but all of them share the same creative vibe.

I feel that shows like this are important to our nation because they provide our people with information that will help them make more informed decisions and form a more positive community. They are important to my education because they open doorways to new subjects that I never knew existed beforehand. For instance, when I watched the NOVA program on string theory, I liked it so much my parents bought me the DVD and I started doing more research about string theory.

Thank you for your time and I hope that my letter helps you make a good decision.

I do love this boy.

What the Future Holds

2010-11-03T19:56:00.007-04:00

I have been struggling with what I want to write about on this blog. When I think about unschooling, non traditional parenting and my life, much of the time my thoughts turn to my son, Arthur, yet I am reluctant to write too much about it. I don’t want this to turn into a blog about disabilities because while I recognize that Arthur has vastly different needs than the majority of kids his age, those differences are not what define him. I do not wish for him to be someone other than who he is, I do not wish for a miracle or a cure. At the same time, parenting a child with Arthur’s needs is not like what most other parents are doing, add in the fact that we do seek a non-traditional learning and parenting approach and I can feel pretty isolated at times. Since this is a space to write out what is on my mind, I have decided to put my thoughts out there and trust that anyone reading this little blog will understand that I am not seeking to change my son or my life, but simply talking about what exists.

Arthur will be with David and I for the rest of our lives. I know that I have written that before, but lately, the full impact of that statement has been haunting the back of my mind. David and I will never have an empty nest, we will always have another person to think about before we plan a vacation, an evening out or even something as simple as running errands. I will always be a full time mother and I have to admit, when I really think about what that means, panic strikes. I feel overwhelmed when I try to picture a future of constant care. My oldest, Ben, reminds me that we don’t know what someone will be capable of in the future and he is right, to a certain degree. I don’t know who any of my kids will be when they are grown, but we all know adults who need heavy assistance in their daily lives and I think that I would be doing myself a disservice by denying the high probability that Arthur will be one of those people. Yes, there are different day programs and group homes available, but after working in several different programs, I do not consider them a viable option for my son. I simply don't trust the system to accept him and cherish him just as he is, something that he has every day at home with us.
I trust that all of my children will learn what they need to know, trusting when the learning happens in microscopic steps, visible only after months or years have passed. Arthur communicates at a level where HE is comfortable and it is up to the rest of us to meet him in his space, not try to force him to speak, something that is very difficult for him. When he really needs to convey an idea, he's pretty good at getting his point across. He does not do well in crowds, so it is our job to only put him in situations where he can be successful or have an easy out if he needs one. We keep interesting bits of paper or books available for him to tear because he finds it soothing, we give him lots of opportunities to swim, hike and ride his bike because he enjoys them and it helps his muscle tone and balance. We sold our home, put our possessions in storage and are traveling in a 5th wheel because we all love to travel, but Arthur cannot handle hotel rooms or airplanes. (I realize this last example is rather extreme and is not something we would have done had all members of our family not had a strong desire to see the amazing sights of North America.)
Even with this trust and acceptance of his developing at his own pace, it can be hard to hear and read about families who are doing all kinds of cool projects when I am having a week where any kind of contact, physical, verbal or even eye, elicits hysterical screams and slaps. It’s difficult not to feel jealous of families who take for granted something as easy as a hug from their child. Arthur can sometimes go for days without wanting any kind of interaction with me, cringing when one of us sits too close to him. When he is affectionate, it is the most beautiful gift that I could receive, a kiss or a long snuggle on my lap. We have weeks when we have to take shifts to get Ben and Ethan out to do things because Arthur cannot leave the house and it's not always fun to be the parent left behind. It is exhausting to be on guard when we do go out because Arthur isn’t able to tell anyone who he is or who his family is, our eyes must be constantly vigilant. There are times when all seems to be going well, then suddenly Arthur is screaming and we cannot figure out what is wrong. It’s hard to have that happen in the safety of our home, terrifying to have it happen in public. A balancing act every day - can we go out? Can we try this new event? We don’t want to set him up to fail, to be the local freak show, but we don’t want to deny him life experiences, either.

Arthur will be 10 at the end of this month, perhaps this is why the future has been weighing so heavily on my mind. Ten seems like such a big kid age, a breath away from the teens and young adulthood. Arthur still doesn’t recognize when he is hungry or when he needs to use the facilities. There may come a point when these things are no longer a challenge for him, until then, it is our 24hr a day job to help him. He may never reach a point where he recognizes his body's needs and it will continue to be our job to help him for the rest of our lives. These are the thoughts that I cannot seem to release, that I agonize over. The contradiction of having a 10 year old sized boy with the physical needs of a toddler can be so discouraging.

There are not many people that we can connect with in terms of having a child similar to ours, I don't know any unschoolers with kids that will need care for the rest of their lives and that does matter to me. It is a different kind of parenting, knowing that this is it for the next 40 or so (if I'm lucky) years. It would be nice to know someone else who believes in peaceful parenting and allowing kids to learn at their own pace who is also caring for a child long term. I am tired of reading about or talking to people who only focus on what needs to be fixed in their children. There is nothing to fix here.

I am not complaining about who my son is, I do not wish for a different life. My sons with all of their unique personalities, abilities and difficulties have changed me in ways that I am still discovering. Most often, for the better. They encourage me to examine my beliefs and question why I do and say the things that I do. My true self is emerging in the process. It's just that I realized that I could not write until I was as honest about the things that challenge me as a parent as I am about the things that bring me joy. I need to let go of the traditional idea of an empty nest and lessened responsibilities, it is not in the cards for me. My husband is my best friend, I am fortunate to have a strong marriage that gets better every year. The future is easier to face knowing that he will stand by my side, laughing with me, supporting me, loving our children. Our family is not always easy, but it is easier when we have each other.

I consider my life to be fortunate. We are living our dream of traveling the country, I am working on illustrating my first children's book (I am not the author) which is another dream of mine. We are healthy and we do not have large debts to hinder what we want to do. Life, overall, is good.

Inspiration

2010-09-29T19:06:00.001-04:00

Inspiration makes the world go ‘round! We can be inspired to fight against injustice, be better parents, serve in our community, invent something the world has never seen before. Music, art, plays, movies, and books are all the products of inspiration. The human race would not have developed to be where it is today if it were not for those brainstorms of ideas. When someone talks about being inspired, we generally understand it to be a positive emotion or experience. Other people can inspire us by their actions or abilities. I am often inspired by great artists, from quilters to classical painters, and their creations ignite a drive in me to rise to new levels in my own work. It is a feeling of being uplifted, pure and clean.

Then there is the darker side of inspiration, the “I’m so glad it’s not me” false inspiration. The kind of emotion that satisfies the voyeuristic desire to go to the freak show, a popular theme from our past that is politically incorrect nowadays. Come one, come all! Look at this person, here! Aren’t you glad that this is not your life? Now go forth and be happy with what you have, content in the knowledge that their freakishness is not yours. It’s a theme that has been popping up a bit in my life on and off over the past few months, so I’ve been giving it some thought.

This false inspiration always strikes me as an ego boost, an arrogant assumption that if a person is not just like you in abilities, their life must be nothing more than a series of hurdles to overcome, a brave struggle through day to day life with no room for true happiness. It doesn’t seem to occur to most people that everyone on this planet is simply living life. We are all on this journey making choices every day, some good, some bad, some neutral. We all have our strengths and weaknesses, it’s just that for some people, those weaknesses are more visible than for others. A person with a closed heart and mind is, to my way of thinking, far more handicapped than a person with any physical challenges.

I periodically receive emails containing stories and videos of people with physical or mental “handicaps” living their lives, doing what we all do every day. Stories forwarded along the internet to help people “appreciate what they have” and “feel good about their lives”. The implication being that in order to feel good about what you have, you must first feel superior to someone else. These stories all tend to have a common theme, however, one of happiness and success in pursuing a dream or goal. In getting caught up in the false inspiration of feel good about myself, many people (not all people, but many) completely miss the true point, the moral, of the stories.

The point is happiness. These stories are inspiring not because a person is pursuing their joy of music while they happen to be blind, or traveling the world after losing their arms, they are inspiring because the people in the stories have found the true meaning of life - happiness, peace with themselves and a passion for life. They are out there every day choosing to be positive and to enjoy the one life that they have on this planet. They are out there doing what they have dreamed about instead of talking about how hard it would be to make it happen. That’s the revelation that should be lighting your fire!!

Of course, there will be some days and weeks that are difficult or overwhelming. No one is guaranteed a bump free road in life, but it doesn’t have to be an endless litany of complaint, either. Negativity begets negativity and life becomes a series of joyless tasks, a to do list that leaves no room for whatever feeds the heart and soul. What a dreadful waste of a life.

People have told me that I am an inspiration because I am happy despite the challenges that my sons have. I have had strangers walk up and compliment me for smiling in spite of it all. As if because I have kids who need more support than most other kids their same age I should be moping around feeling sorry for myself, comparing myself to other “normal” families and feeling inadequate or deprived. Nope. I don’t struggle to get through my day to day life. I am happy, married to my best friend and all of my sons are amazing people who make my days sparkle. I would not change one single thing about the life that I have, even when we fall into difficult times. Please don’t waste time being inspired by me because I am happy in spite of my life, I am happy BECAUSE of my life and you are welcome to be inspired to join me.

I AM

2010-09-08T16:07:00.002-04:00

adjusting to life in a much smaller (400 sq ft at most) space with 3 energetic, creative boys.

learning how to be comfortable with the idea that I'm not sure where we will be in 2 months. I am a planner at heart. Breathe. Let go. Enjoy the moment.

painting again. My soul rejoices in my rediscovered artistic passion.

spending more time with my husband than I ever have in the past. He hasn't worked in 14 weeks (yes, I am counting) and it's been lovely having him by my side every day.

working on silencing my negative inner voices as Ben navigates the challenges of being 13.

loving my life, even when it isn't easy.

Where HAVE You Been?

2010-08-09T22:13:00.000-04:00

Lots and lots of places lately :)

On May 28th, we accepted an offer on the house with a June 30th closing date. Awesome! Except...it was 2 days before a long planned 3 week vacation back east. Was it possible to come home, then pack and store an entire house in one week? Maybe... possibly... sure! The best part of this plan was that David realized that he could not possibly go back to work after vacation (seriously, just no way for me to take care of kids and pack at the same time with 7 short days available), so he put in his notice, worked the last two days before vacation, hasn't looked back. Can you say happy husband?

We blitzed across the country from Montana to Rhode Island in 4 1/2 days. BTW, I don't recommend this approach to anyone. Kids were toast, David and I were toast, the dog had a minor nervous breakdown. But, we rallied and spent a lovely week in RI with family and friends, including an awesome afternoon with a HS friend that I had not seen in 20 years. Her son and my 3 guys had fun at one of the beaches that I spent my childhood exploring.

After RI, we went to New York for the SHINE unschooling conference. I loved meeting people that I had previously only known online and the limited size of the gathering with a campground atmosphere was perfect for Arthur. He is just not a big crowd joining, hotel staying kind of guy. It's something that overwhelms him right now, so it was good to find a venue that allowed us to soak up that unschooly energy and meet his needs at the same time. Bliss.

Another blitz back to Montana, a frenzy of packing and storing over that last week of June. The one big positive was that Ben, Arthur and Ethan didn't want to leave the rig when we arrived back at the house. They were happy with their new digs and we spent the week camped in the driveway. After that we were two weeks at a campground in Bozeman saying goodbye to friends.

A couple of days in the Deerlodge National Forest outside of Butte, the stars at 2 am were incredible. I have never seen anything like them in my life. We then spent a week in Polson on the Flathead Lake. The beach consisted of tiny, multicolored rocks that Arthur and Ethan shuffled through their fingers like precious coins. David, Ben and I sorted through looking for the tiny fossils that could be found. The two pics above are from Finley Point State Park on Flathead Lake. If you are ever in Polson, MT, the Miracle of America Museum is a must see. A privately owned collection of stuff spanning the past 100 years or so. It's an attic/garage/closet gone wild and one of the best museums I have been to in a while. They even had a massive logging chainsaw, complete with sharp teeth, on display. In the middle of the floor. There were also funky sculptures here and there throughout the property, which was expansive with over 30 outbuildings. This sculpture was my absolute favorite and understandably so.

The next two weeks we were in Glacier National Park. I could write for days and not convey the pure beauty of the area. We all hiked up and down the mountains. Well, we all hiked up and David and I carried kids down. My back is better now, thanks for asking. Logan Pass gifted us a hike through alternating fields of snow and bright yellow glacier lilies, a mountain goat family a mere dozen feet away and a bighorn sheep roaming the parking lot. The boys enjoyed Logan Pass. Arthur was too busy to smile for the camera.

Avalanche and Bowman lakes were breathtakingly cold, but that didn't stop Ethan from swimming in the 50 degree water. That boy is one tough cookie! Lots of black bear sightings on the east side, fortunately all from a safe distance. This is the view from our second campground at Two Medicine Lake that side of the park.

Both Ben and Ethan completed the junior ranger program, Ethan was so proud to receive his badge and we called him ranger E for the rest of the day. Ben finished every activity in the book, just for fun :) We enjoyed a boat tour of Two Medicine Lake, then took a mile hike into Twin Falls. Our last hike in Glacier this time around.

Other random points of interest: The Montana Vortex and House of Mystery, The Lewis and Clark Interpretive Center and The World Museum of Mining. The underground tour at the mining museum was so well done, Logan is obviously passionate about mining, the history of the industry in Butte and the people who worked in that industry. I love listening to people who love what they do. If you are ever in Butte...

Still with me? I'm impressed! We are off to Salt Lake City in a couple of days, saying goodbye to the glorious state of Montana for a while.

I Am That Mom

2010-07-29T00:12:00.005-04:00

I am that mom who will unquestioningly share my bed with any of my children whenever they need it. I will read Martha Walks the Dog a million and one times because Ethan always laughs at "BAD DOG, BOB!" I am that mom who reads aloud to Ben because even at 13 years of age, he still likes to snuggle and hear a story. I love Pokemon and Mario Brothers because my boys love these things and I learn about their passions, even when they are not my own, because I am that mom who values connections with my kids. I am that mom who will scrounge interesting bits of paper wherever I go because Arthur loves to tear them into designs. I am that mom who will leave before I am ready because any one of my children need to leave a situation. I will go out to Gamestop multiple times until everyone has what they need because it is such a simple thing to do, yet it creates so much joy. I am that mom who will sing loud, annoying songs about ice cream for the last 1/2 mile of a 4 mile hike because that's what it takes to get us back down the mountain.

I am also that mom who doesn't care what you think when Arthur has a sensory overload meltdown in the middle of the museum. You disappear as my world shrinks down to a tiny sphere of two and my only purpose is to breathe and be whatever he needs me to be. I am that mom who is a rock in difficult times, holding my kids up until they are able to stand on their own. Don't hand me your tough love advice or your medical diagnosis because I am that mom who recognizes and accepts my boys for who they are instead of who they are not. I am that mom who sees beauty and possibilities where others see flaws and pity. I will enjoy what is unique about each of my children.

I am that mom who loves without conditions.

Is this REALLY what you want?

2010-07-22T23:43:00.000-04:00

PROMISE TO MY CHILD: I will stalk you, freak out on you, lecture you, drive you crazy, be your nightmare, embarrass you in front of your friends, hunt you down like a bloodhound until the day you understand why I do it.Then I will know you are a responsible adult. All because**I love you**You will never find someone who loves you and cares about you more than your parents!!

This statement has been making the rounds on Facebook over the past couple of days. People pass it on, have a good chuckle over how horrible they are to their kids (just as their parents were to them) and don't give the words that they have shared another thought. After reading the paragraph above, I couldn't stop thinking about them, these words that disturbed me so deeply. So, I offer a different perspective on the promise (threat?).

The "stalk you", "drive you crazy", "be your nightmare", "embarrass you in front of your friends", and "hunt you down like a bloodhound" are all actions that fall under the category of the anti-stalking laws that are in effect in all 50 states. (Probably elsewhere as well, but I only researched the United States) Stalking is legally defined as harassing or threatening behavior that is engaged in repeatedly. Behavior such as embarrassing and threatening someone multiple times in front of co-workers or friends, tracking a person down by electronic means, leaving multiple notes and messages. Evidence suggests that stalking can cause serious psychological damage. Anti-stalking laws exist to protect people from being controlled and frightened, to enable them to live in safety and freedom. How many parents proudly talk about how they monitor what their children are doing by checking their children's cell phone records, Facebook accounts and e-mails? Parents who think nothing of loudly shaming their children in public, in front of friends, threatening them with a myriad of punishments to look forward to when they get home.

Then there is the promise to "freak out on you". Freak out is described on answers.com as "an experience or scene of unrestrained excitement or irrational behavior". A concept that sounds a lot like the explanation of verbal abuse; shouting, insulting, intimidating, threatening, shaming, demeaning or derogatory language. One website defines a verbal abuser as someone who misuses their authority and preys on those in a subordinate position. Victims are often told that the abuse (lecture, freak out) is their own fault. This kind of abuse may lead to stress, depression, and physical ailments. How could unrestrained excitement or irrational behavior help anyone become a responsible adult? Children simply learn that the loudest person has the control, the biggest bully on the playground (in this case the parent) wins.

All of this is done in the name of love. A parent who loves their child so much that they would break the law to ensure that their progeny grows up to be a responsible adult. Isn't that what most abusers tell their victims? I do this terrible thing, behave in this horrible way, because I love you.

A checklist offers warning signs for domestic abuse in an adult relationship, I have added the comments in parenthesis.
humiliates or yells at you (parental freak out)
criticize you or put you down (parents posting mean spirited status updates about their ungrateful, unpleasant kids or talking about them in a demeaning way)
ignore or put down your opinions or accomplishments (video gaming or other interests and passions deemed unacceptable by the parents)
control where you go and what you do (allowing only certain friends or activities)
keep you from seeing friends and family (grounding)
constantly check up on you (monitoring phones, e-mails and online profiles)
destroy your belongings (throw away, take away or sell belongings as a punishment)

This is not to make light of domestic abuse, but to point out that what we hold as an atrocious way for one adult to treat another, we applaud as good parenting when it's an adult mistreating a child. As if by damaging our children, we can ensure that they will be successful adults. I do not think that this kind of parenting occurs with malicious intent, but as a result of thoughtlessness. Not questioning why this behavior is considered acceptable, not thinking about the impact of the words we speak and write. Simply following along the worn out path of "it's always been done this way".

Instead of viewing children as bits of clay that need to be pounded, molded and pinched into a finished piece, we should to see them as whole people. We must start with the belief that children have the same rights to dignity, safety and respect that we demand as adults. Parents have to drop the "us and them" mentality that places children in the enemy camp and embrace the concept of children as our partners. A family is a team whose different members contain a variety of skills and experience that can be shared in order to help one another navigate this life's journey. I know that my children have nurtured me, exposed me to new ideas and helped me to be a better person as much as I have supported them in their exploration of their world. I hope my boys can find partners that love them as much as I do, what a wonderful gift for them to have in this life.

The paragraph that was written in response to the statements above sums up what I am trying to say:

PROMISE TO MY CHILDREN: I will love you, nurture you, talk with you, share with you, hold you, support you, respect you and trust you. I know you are doing the best you can in any given situation and I hope you know I'm doing the same. May you find many people who love, care for and respect you like I do.

And We're Off!!!

2010-05-31T09:26:00.003-04:00

The offer came in last week and after some minor back and forth - we accepted! If all goes well, we close on the house at the end of June and become an official full time family on the road!

Watch out America ;)

Fun With Food

2010-05-22T17:04:00.009-04:00

I'm always looking for new recipes or fun ways to prepare meals, it's boring to prep 3 meals a day if they are the same dozen recipes over and over. Anna the Red's Bento Factory is one of my favorite websites for creative ideas. Works of art in a bento box! Studio Ghibli movies, Little Big Planet, Mario, I have spent huge amounts of time poking around this site. I only wish my bento meals looked as amazing as hers!

This was Arthur's 9th birthday dinner. At the time he was on a Totoro kick, watching the movie just about every day and walking through the house singing "Hey, Let's Go!" in his sweet voice. This was my first attempt at food art and while the kids loved it, I was less than satisfied with the result. The meatballs are the soot sprites that inhabit the Kusakabe's home. They also live with the Totoro's in the forest. We highly recommend this movie.
The Pikachu was a last minute idea when Ben decided that he wanted to make onigiri (rice balls) one night for dinner. I thought Arthur and Ethan would enjoy them more if their friend Pikachu was on their plates. Pikachu was tinted yellow by mixing hard boiled egg yolks in with the rice. I didn't mix it evenly, tho, Pikachu is a bit blotchy. Poke - pox.

This was a more successful venture last week. Octo-dogs, apple bunnies and carrot flowers on a bed of rice. I couldn't think of anything fun to do with the hard boiled egg. All three of the boys enjoy the bento style meals, a small taste of a lot of different flavors seems to appeal to them.
Follow the links to some of my favorite bento posts!

Lunch in a Box a mom finding a way to make lunches fun

Octodogs how to

Apple Bunnies seriously cute

Mario mushrooms which Ben would love if he liked radish

Totoro make him out of rice

Snowflakes fun to create

Mini Totoro we didn't use quail eggs, but he was still cute

Even if you never try to make a bento, the sites are worth visiting!

Dandelion Snack

2010-05-05T14:42:00.008-04:00

Idzie over at I'm Unschooled. Yes, I Can Write. wrote about making fried dandelion heads last week. Ever curious and with a lawn full of fat, yellow blossoms, we decided to give them a try. The recipe can be found here.

The flowers, the batter, the finished product.

Ethan giving them a try, a bit ambivalent.

Ben's taste test, not a big hit.

Then there was Arthur. He looooved the fried dandelions! He ended up eating over a dozen, leaving none for poor David to try. It's OK. David doesn't mind and I'll make him another batch when our lawn replenishes itself.

They cooked a lot faster than I expected, so if you make them, be prepared to move quickly! I would like to try them with buttermilk instead of plain milk and perhaps some fresh herbs chopped up in the batter. I thought that the flavor was good, but I didn't care for the texture. The dandelions are a bit chewy and I am not a big fan of chewy foods. I will try them again with the adaptations to the recipe, just to compare them to the originals. Mostly, I will enjoy watching Arthur eat them up!

A Moment in Time

2010-05-03T10:36:00.005-04:00

A friend of mine posted a link to the New York Times' Moment in Time project and at 9am on Sunday, May 2nd I took this photo of Ben snuggled in bed reading. You can't see the snow flurries swirling outside of his window, it's a late spring out west this year. Elsewhere in the house at this moment, Arthur was curled up on the couch in his Spiderman blanket laughing at some joke that only he was privy to, Ethan was hiding under the playroom table with a variety of plastic animals and his beloved baby doll and David was scrubbing the bathroom for our open house in the afternoon. My ipod was playing The Donna's Dirty Denim, cranked up to help motivate me to clean when I would rather relax.

The people at The Times commented that the images they were receiving were overwhelmingly ones of tranquility and they were surprised given the upheavals that are part of our world right now. Perhaps people need to find their own islands of peace to balance out the world news, I know I do. I love the idea of hundreds of people around the world taking photographs at the same time and I will be watching the Lens blog to keep up with the images.

Good Morning America: A Lesson On Bias

2010-04-22T20:59:00.007-04:00

Just in case you missed the craziness of the Good Morning America “news” piece about unschooling Monday morning, Ronnie over at Blog of the Zombie Princess has gathered the links to the original show, it’s Tuesday morning rebuttal and the responses generated in the unschooling community. There is a lot of beautiful writing emerging from the GMA debacle.

I had not planned on watching the piece. I thought that it would probably be an edited to bias mess and I just didn’t want that kind of negative focus to enter my life at this point. It’s taking a lot of my energy to remain positive while we wait for our home to sell and I have been avoiding things that create frustration or discord. I read a couple of blog posts, skimmed the surface of what was going on and felt like that was enough for me. My life is good, I don’t need to justify my existence or choices to anyone and I don’t want to waste a lot of time trying to explain what we do to people who are not open minded enough to hear the information.

Then Ben heard David mention the comments going on at the SSUDs yahoo group, I answered that the Always Learning group was pretty busy and Ben said “I have to see it!” Damn. We talked briefly about what to expect and then sat down to watch. With the first few sentences out of George Stephanopoulos’ mouth, Ben asked me to pause the show. He wanted to know how George could possibly be against something that he knew very little to nothing about. It just didn’t seem right to Ben. He was disgusted by Juju Chang’s interview with Shaun and Kimi. “How can she learn anything about unschooling if all she’s doing is talking about school? The reporter should ask them what they do INSTEAD of school!” Ben also said that Shaun was much more polite than he would have been when Juju demanded to know how Shaun could have known anything about what he needed at the age of seven. “Just plain rude” Ben declared. It was odd that they kept showing clips of the family in front of the TV and eating chicken nuggets. “Is that REALLY all that family does? I doubt it.” The entire piece made no sense to him.

I loved the shot of the little boy from the second family eating a donut for breakfast. Ethan often chooses to have a chocolate chip cookie first thing in the morning. He wants to play and he’s hungry, so he goes for the quick energy boost, sugar. Within the hour he is eating yogurt with granola, whole grain waffles, fruit or trail mix. All his own choice. I wonder what the boy on the show was eating over the course of the day, what they chose not to air. It's a bit hypocritical anyways, to get so upset over a donut when there is an entire industry based on the whole coffee & a donut drive thru breakfast for adults. Dunkin's anyone?

When they asked Kimi if she was prepared for college, David said that he certainly wasn’t prepared for college as a junior in HS. It was an unreasonable question. He found the reporters concern about sports to be condescending and stereotyped. Shaun should be involved in sports whether he's interested or not simply because of his gender? David pointed out that no one asks the athletes if they participate in art, music or drama to make sure that they are "exposed to different things".

Ben asked me to read about a dozen of the comments, then decided that he was done. Too negative. We did have a wonderful day discussing how easy it was for the media to distort the truth, why people just blindly accept what they see on these shows without questioning or doing their own investigations, how people are so very threatened by what they don’t understand. He concluded that he knows that his life works, that he’s learning all of the time and that the people who were complaining about having to support him when he grew up were going to be very surprised when he ends up supporting them.

It was disappointing. Good Morning America had the articulate, interesting, intelligent Biegler/Yablonski family willing to open their lives to the news crew, they had an opportunity to present a powerful idea to the American public and GMA opted for sensationalism. The cheap shot. I am not surprised, just a little bit sad. Perhaps the staff should have done a better job on their homework in preparation for this project. They might have actually learned something new.

April Edition

2010-04-04T11:43:00.001-04:00

of the Carnival of Unschooled Life. Up now at The Expanding Life.

Still Here...

2010-03-14T22:21:00.003-04:00

just not here. I have 4 or 5 ideas floating around in my head that I would like to write about and I'm sure David would like for me write about them as well since I've been talking him to death lately. (The poor guy is going to start pulling overtime at that job he hates in order to get some peace and quiet.) I just haven't had the space to blog since I had second thoughts about this decision.

It seems that it wasn't a lack of time and energy that was stalling the project, I had lost my focus and direction for the story. A couple of weeks ago, I suddenly realized what I didn't like about my manuscript, rewrote it and I've been working like crazy on my book dummy in every free moment I can scrounge up. I'm halfway there, 11 more black and white sketches and 4 color roughs before I'm ready to send it out into the big, wide world to see if a publisher wants to give it a home. And I love the new version.

So - I haven't given up on this nook of creative outlet, I'm just temporarily immersed in a different project.

Wish me luck!

Moron of the Week Award

2010-02-24T12:41:00.004-05:00

Goes to...Virginia State Delegate Bob Marshall.

I hope someone makes you eat your words and you choke on them, you arrogant jerk.

For the record, I have never, ever for one minute regarded my children as a form of penance, they are my inspiration to be a better person, the lights in my heart. If you had one ounce of humanity in your warped soul you would understand that no child could ever be a punishment.

You've Come A Long Way, Baby

2010-02-08T15:39:00.001-05:00

Facebook has been a wonderful way to get back in touch with old friends from high school and college, I've met some great new friends as well. I love checking out the different links that people post-hearing about videos, articles, blogs and music that I otherwise might never have found. Often I am inspired reading about what others are doing with their families.

Then there are the times that the comments and status updates are less than uplifting. The ones that talk about how awful the kids are, how the parents can't wait for bedtime or school to start, discipline comments. The other day one of the updates was about kids who refused to clean up, a parent who threatened to throw the toys away and the kids calling the bluff. The resulting comments were appalling. Advice to throw the toys away or to hide them. Mom's talking about the times that they DID throw out toys and how their kids now clean up when they're told. One Mom posted an "lol" with her advice, another ended with a little smiley face.

I usually ignore these types of updates, but the "lol" and the little smiley face got my goat and I chimed in with a polite suggestion: make a game out of it. My guys always put more effort in if I'm willing to help. Pick a color, race a clock, throw them at the bucket to see who can get them in from a distance. I was hoping that a different suggestion might change the tone of the advice.

The reaction was immediate, more advice to throw the toys away with added admonitions not to let the kids "walk all over her. I answered with: throwing away toys doesn't teach kids to clean, it teaches them to do things out of fear, it teaches them that their parents can't be trusted and that they (the kids) are powerless. I would much rather pick up a couple of toys than do that much damage to my relationship with my boys.

The response was that kids learned the consequences of their actions and they cleaned because they had learned, not because they were afraid. My answer: I don't feel the need to threaten my kids in order to parent them. Nor am I in a struggle for control with them. It's about choices and there a million choices for helping kids learn to clean and be part of a household other than threats and throwing their possessions away. Is this how you would want to be treated? Would you want your husband or friend to threaten you or throw your things away because you weren't doing what they wanted you to do? That is not a consequence, it is a punishment. It is a breach of trust and if it feels like you are the bad guy when you are deciding on an action to take as a parent, it's because it's probably not a nice thing to do to another human being regardless of their age.

At this point David asked why I was still participating in this comment thread. He likened it to beating my head against a brick wall. I told him that I hoped that something I wrote might cause one of the people reading to think about the decisions they made in a different way. Then the mom who originally posted asked what I thought about bribes and charts. Honestly asked, open minded and willing to hear me.

I did my best to express myself in the confines of a FB comment: Bribes are a step up from threats :) - especially threats you really DON"T want to follow through with (those legos are freaking expensive-throwing them away is a terrible waste) In my experience with my oldest, bribes don't work long term. At some point using the chart ends and then where's the motivation? ...I did use threats and bribes when Ben was little and everything was conflict and power struggles. Then he called my bluff and I was stuck. So I found a different way to do things - now life isn't perfect, but there is very little conflict. I have 3 kids who usually help when I ask and Ben will clean on his own if he sees something that needs to be done because he knows that I have done and will do the same for him. A mom on a message board I like once said about her older kids "As we get older and our kids grow up, we eventually come to realize that all the big things in our lives are really the direct result of how we've handled all the little things." one site that really helped me was http://joyfullyrejoycing.com/ I'm not trying to preach and you can ignore me ;) but this is a topic I am very passionate about having lived the before and the after. Thanks for letting me ramble :)

I felt physically ill after the whole exchange with knots in my stomach and a sadness in my heart, but at the same time I was so very grateful for those feelings. It means that I have fully stepped away from the controlling style of parenting that I used to use. There was a time that I would have agreed with all of that terrible advice, even worse, a time when I did just what was being recommended. I am ashamed to admit that years ago, I threw away the remainder of Ben's Halloween candy for some "infraction". What a shitty thing to do. I have since apologized (several times) to Ben for this incident and for not doing a better job when he was small. He forgives me because he said that I have learned from my mistakes and life is much better now. I am fortunate that he did.

The thing is, throwing stuff away isn't about cleaning up or trying to "instill" some value in a child. It's a power play. That's it. A parent "told" a kid to do something and the kid was *gasp* an individual with a functioning brain of his own. Parents use the words bribe, incentive, threat and consequence interchangeably (one Mom did actually say that they are the same) but they are all very different concepts. I would not react the same way to an incentive as I would to a threat and toys in the trash is not by any stretch of imagination a consequence.

If I leave my clothes, books and art supplies all over the floor the consequences of that action might be that my clothes get wrinkled and dirty, my books will be stepped on and my paints could end up dried out, paper smudged and ripped, brushes lost. If my husband walks in, demands that I clean, then throws all of my things away when I don't comply, that's an act of aggression and a punishment for not following his demands. It's also a big, red warning flag that he does not respect me or my possessions. I would certainly have a hard time trusting him again. What if he tidied my things because he knew that I was busy with other projects? Then I have been given a gift by someone who loves me and steps in to help when I need it.

I vented by posting two links on my FB wall.

http://joyfullyrejoycing.com/influencing%20kid%20behavior/naturalconsequences.html

http://joyfullyrejoycing.com/influencing%20kid%20behavior/chores/kidsliveheretoo.html

My life is not perfect, we are 5 very different people living in one house. We spend a huge amount of time together and that takes some negotiating to make sure that everyone feels like their needs are being met. We are successful most days, some days we are not. That's life, but I can make home better for all of us by seeking a mutual respect instead of making our family a battleground for control.

The comment thread ended with one Mom citing SuperNanny and I did walk away at that point telling David that nothing I could write would help such violent stupidity.

Our Full Life

2010-02-01T16:15:00.000-05:00

We seem to be in one of those phases when there is not enough time in the course of the day to accomplish everything that wants to be done. I'm not talking about housecleaning, laundry, yard work or errands, but about the new ideas and interests for us all.

Ben and I have been taking a Braille for the sighted class at the library, learning to read and write in braille. It has been fun learning to break the code and we have toyed with the possibility of becoming certified to translate. The teacher let Ben borrow the manual brailler (like a typewriter) and he has spent the weekend translating Olivia and the Missing Toy.

We've also been reading a lot of manga - Naruto, Bleach and Hikaru No Go. The latter has sparked an interest in the game GO for Ben and after doing an online tutorial, he found a website and has been playing GO with people from around the world. He spends as much time watching the games of higher ranked players as he does playing. Today he decided that Wikipedia could use some help on their Pokemon info, so he is learning how to contribute to that site.

In addition to this, he has been working on painting his models, building his Roblox games and listening to me read the second book in the Tapestry series.

Arthur has been into his Art of books - The Art of Howl's Moving Castle, Kiki's Delivery Service, My Neighbor Totoro and Spirited Away. He loves the movies and it's nice to snuggle with him as he shows me all of his favorite drawings in the book. I love seeing the evolution of the characters from early sketches to final piece. He also watched The Goonies last night for the first time and when asked said he would go on the adventure AND kiss the girl. Ethan, who had previously said that he would stay home because, really, who wants to go messing with outlaws, stiffs and skeletons- immediately announced that he would adventure, too. Can't be left behind, you know!

Ethan has been spending a lot of time looking at old Garfield comics. He can't read the words yet, but will spend hours laughing at the illustrations! He makes up elaborate stories about ToonTown and his speech is improving daily. Ethan doesn't miss anything that goes on and he's happier now that he can talk about it. He has been getting up with me to use the WiiFit in the morning. It's good to have the company while I exercise and having him hold my hand and cheer for me is a bonus. "Go, Mommy, Go!" I feel so much better when I exercise every day, I had forgotten that fact and I'm making an effort to bring it back into my life.

I am learning to crochet, have been doing a needlepoint design on an old pair of jeans and have a couple of paintings for friends and family in the works. Life is full and good.

I've been so happy lately, I almost feel guilty. As if something will happen if I'm too happy or because so many people complain about their lives, I'm doing something wrong by enjoying my days. My husband is awesome, I love spending time with my kids, I am happy. This life is sweet.

Not A Tool

2010-01-12T17:32:00.000-05:00

Web tool. It came into your work flow this year and now you couldn't live without it. It has simplified or improved your online experience.

I got nothin' on this one, but I can tell you a few tools that I imagine would improve my life. Or at least be fun to play with ;)

A Nintendo DSI and this game:

It looks like it would be amusing. I just like the little guys who open their mouths to sing.

A Kindle might be nice. I love, love, love holding a real, live book in my hands and I'm not sure how I really feel about e-books. I know, I know. No paper, no manufacturing of each book. It's just hard to picture curling up on the couch or in bed with a Kindle. However, space is going to be a scarce commodity in the 5th wheel and if I want a book collection, it had better be able to fit in a drawer!

Ben wants one, too.

A drawing tablet and an Adobe Illustrator program would give me hours of entertainment! It's been a long time since I've tried anything artistic on the computer and I know technology has improved tremendously since my last attempt. This would be a pretty significant $$ investment, so I'll wait a while.

Considering I'm a technological dinosaur who still hasn't fully figured out how my ipod works (honestly, how sad can a person get?) I don't know if I'm cut out for a lot of these products. Maybe I'll just wait for my kids to get them and they can teach me!

Just Plain Wrong

2010-01-09T21:36:00.002-05:00

David and I had the opportunity to enjoy the latest CakeWrecks this morning. Nothing like some mild frosting clown porn to start the day. I find it hard to believe that these decorators really had no idea what they were doing when they frosted these things.

Christmas Pics

2010-01-05T20:23:00.011-05:00

We had a wonderful Christmas this year. My mom was able to be here for Christmas day- thanks, John, for working the holiday so she could visit! There was nowhere we needed to be but home, the boys slept until 7:30 and opening presents occupied most of the day since we would open a bit and then enjoy our gifts or have a snack before opening a bit more. My mom made each of us an amazing quilt for the rig. She used the photos of the curtains in the boy's bunks to find the same fabric to make their quilts. Here is Ben with his, enjoying his scribblenauts ds game in front of the fire.
Ethan loved his microphone from his great aunt and uncle. So much so that he woke us at 6:30 the day after Christmas singing a ToonTown song. When David went out and said "Ethan!" he answered "WHAT?" in a huge, echoing voice. It was so funny!

Arthur loving his quilt. That and the Playmobile penguin set were the favorites of the day. Ethan's quilt is in the upper right hand corner of the pic.

Happy boys opening gifts.

David reading "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" on Christmas Eve. We usually read "Polar Express", but Ethan scorned Chris Van Allsberg in favor of Dr. Suess.

Arthur enjoying our newly decorated tree. The second, non-smelly tree.

Ethan and Nan, he had to be just like her and got himself a glass of water because she was drinking coffee. He even crossed his ankles in the same direction.

Ben's pregnant gingerbread lady. She survived the collapse of his house.

Ethan was so happy that his house didn't fall apart this year, he kissed it. Arthur is always very delicate when decorating his house. He later blew it up when he saw that Ben's had collapsed.

A good time was had by all. I hope that your Christmas was a lovely as ours!

Zazzle Me

2010-01-05T12:30:00.000-05:00

Startup. What's a business that you found this year that you love? Who thought it up? What makes it special?

Loni Edwards Illustration zazzle shop

This is one of my Facebook friends that I have never met in real life, but maybe someday we'll cross paths :) A fellow unschooler, illustrator and one time sock monkey maker, Loni has been actively pursuing her illustration dreams this past year and the zazzle shop is her latest venture. I love the whimsical creatures she uses in her art, they are such happy little souls! My favorite is her smiling mouse, something about the way he is holding his hands makes me chuckle.

Good Luck, Loni!

Project

2010-01-04T12:17:00.002-05:00

What did you start this year that you're proud of?

This one is still a work in progress so it may be a project in 2010 as well. Or not. I have written a children's book manuscript, submitted it for critique to an editor, rewrote it and I am now trying to find the time to finish a book dummy in order to attempt to find a publisher. While it is a project I am excited by and believe in, it needs so much of my energy I'm not sure if this is the time in my life to be pursuing it. The project hasn't been feeling right. It's been hard for me to focus and create when I sit down to work. I have felt discouraged and wasn't sure what was wrong until I read this on the Always Learning list this morning, written by Diana Jenner:

"When I married my husband, we decided early on that our children would be the priority of our young marriage; if we were going to be married forever,their childhoods are a mere blip of time and there will be plenty of times for grown up stuff when the grown ups are alone. As the kids get older,there's a lot more time for grownups to be alone and do those things put of as "not as important as being there for the small kids." It was a mentality I carry with me, even without him. (I'll have plenty of time to be politically active and volunteer and get some letters after my name, when I'm done with my acute parenting)"

It was a moment of clarity for me. The resistance comes from the knowledge that to devote the energy required for this project, I must sacrifice huge amounts of time that my kids need right now. I see Ben, at 12, wanting much less than he did 5 years ago at Ethan's current age. We want to travel. Perhaps I need to nurture my artistic dreams on a smaller scale for 5 short years. I know that if my life were to end tomorrow, I would regret not being there for my kids much more than I would regret not pursuing my art.

No final decisions, yet, just a lot to think about.

Best of 2009 Series

2010-01-04T11:54:00.001-05:00

Well, it should be pretty obvious by now that I'm not on track with my best of 2009 challenge! I do intend to finish them in the near future because I'm enjoying the questions and the time they spend in the back of my brain. It's nice to riffle through my 2009 memories to respond to the prompts, remembering the little things that might otherwise have been lost. So let's move on to...

New person. She came into your life and turned it upside down. He went out of his way to provide incredible customer service. Who is your unsung hero of 2009?

This person is someone I have known for 19years (half of my life!), but in many ways he is a new person in 2009. My husband has transformed so much about his life over the past 12 months, something that I have to admit I didn't think that he was capable of doing. A year or so ago he was struggling with a job he hated and having a hard time balancing all of the aspects of his life - husband, father, sole provider for a family of five. If asked, I would have said that he wasn't all that happy.

Now, David laughs every day, truly enjoys the time he spends with his family and has decided that while the job is necessary at the moment, it can be endured without it poisoning the rest of his life. If I'm a having a bad day, I can count on him to step up and keep the house running smoothly or gently point out that I'm being an unreasonable horror. He was able to let go of what he didn't have in his upbringing, to realize that he won't ever have the relationships that he had wished for but that he can forge new ones and have a better life with me and the boys.

My own father was unable to do this and has spent his entire life unhappy, wishing for approval that will never be given, missing out on a wife and three kids who loved him and a family of in-laws willing to welcome him. A life wasted and a path that I feared my David was walking down.

And while he brushes my comments aside, not wanting praise for what he calls simply doing the right thing, David is my unsung (now sung) hero of 2009.

What Shop Earned My $$$$?

2009-12-29T19:35:00.000-05:00

Online or offline, where did you spend most of your mad money this year?

Amazon. I love buying books more than any other item on the planet. When we settle back down in a stationary home, I want to have bookshelves everywhere! One of the most difficult things about selling our house is that we did pack up quite a few of our books in order to open up the space. It's hard not to have our entire collection at my fingertips, to peruse a shelf and have that "I haven't read this one in ages!" moment.

Which is why the boxes in the garage are slowly unpacking themselves. Ben looking for the Pendragon series, or wanting to find a specific chapter in the Harry Potter saga, Arthur is looking for the series about animals or I have an urge to reread a book from my childhood. Instead of bookcases, we horde small piles of books next to beds, under tables or on dressers. We can't help ourselves, the need to be surrounded by stories is too great. We'll just have to have a book packing party when we sign a contract to sell this place.

Ben, Arthur and Ethan also received Amazon gift cards from their great grandparents for Christmas. I sense a shopping spree in our future!

I do understand the argument against large online bookstores such as Amazon in favor of small local shops. It's just that when there are 5 readers in the family and everyone loves a different genre, well, the cash doesn't go as far in a stick and brick business. It's simply a budget decision for us.

Car Ride 2009

2009-12-29T19:19:00.000-05:00

What did you see? How did it smell? Did you eat anything as you drove there? Who were you with?

I took only a couple of car rides this year. It just wasn't a big year for car travel for me, more air travel which is very unusual and not much of that, either. I prefer cars to airplanes as I like to be in charge of my own destiny. I like having the ability to stop when I want to, listen to loud music, find interesting places to see and eat at, travel on my own schedule instead of working with an external timetable. Hmmmm, sounds like most of my life!

The one car trip that I enjoyed this year was a day trip to Yellowstone. Ben was getting together with a friend that he met at LiG, so David stayed home with Arthur and Ethan and the two of us took off at 8:30 in the morning. It was late August and the morning was cool and sunny. We listened to the Inkheart audio book, one that Ben was reluctant to start because he thought he wouldn't like it. He loved it and we had a great time losing ourselves in the story. I think Ben was hooked the moment the main character announced her age as 12! We had a couple of travel mugs of good coffee and the beautiful scenery of the National forest and Yellowstone to accompany the book.

We listened to a couple of the discs, but haven't yet finished the book. It seems like the magic of the story is tied to that particular trip and we've had a hard time finding it's rhythm again. It might be time to have a project/audio book afternoon so I can hear about what happens to poor Meggie, Mo, Aunt Eleanor and Dustfinger.

Flux

2009-12-29T18:35:00.000-05:00

Word or phrase. A word that encapsulates your year. "2009 was _____."

Flux. Webster's defines it as 1: an act of flowing 2: a state of continuous change 3: a substance used to aid in fusing metals

Number 3 doesn't suit my needs, although David probably did use that kind of flux in one of his projects this past year.

Continuous change and flow seems to describe our year pretty accurately since we started 2009 talking about looking for a ranch property, buying goats, establishing a massive garden and ended it by buying a 5th wheel wanting to hit the road. Pretty different life paths. Relaxing about the way our boys learn and flowing with their needs has alleviated much of the stress we have had in our lives. I find that many of the things that used to create anxiety(certain family members, work, worries about the kids) don't bother me as much anymore. Maybe it's age and maturity (ha, ha) or perhaps it's a new ability to roll with the punches. It's easier to recognize what I can change, what I can't and act accordingly. Or vent my frustrations and move on. David says I am at my funniest when I am annoyed. I'm so happy my irritation brings happiness to his life ;)

Since I have had this change in perspective, it's easier to see when I don't go with the flow. Headaches, crabby kids, insomnia, tight jaw and a general feeling of unhappiness and dissatisfaction all tell me to wake up and cut it out. Built in alarm system - always accurate.

So cheers to the flux of 2009!

Randoms

2009-12-29T17:59:00.000-05:00

I posted a version of this on the Shine with Unschooling Yahoo group on December 19th. I thought I would share our pre-Christmas adventures with you. Read on, Jeeves...

We are shining so hard, we compete with the Christmas tree ;)

This year we decided to hike into the national forest to cut our own Christmas tree. It was a gorgeous 10 degree day and it felt like we were the only people on earth up there on the mountain. I think that Arthur would have hiked for hours if the rest of us hadn't started to freeze over. We found a good tree (juniper), chopped it down and brought it home.

Unfortunately, when we brought the juniper in and it started to warm up it was rather fragrant. Eye wateringly fragrant. Soooo...that tree is outside ready for popcorn strings and birdseed balls. David and Ethan went on a mission to buy a tree from a local farm where David discovered that Ethan had lost his second tooth when Ethan smiled at the lady who offered him a candy cane! No idea what happened to it, but Ethan is thrilled with his new smile and the new tree. Arthur helped me put the lights on the tree this year. He usually tips the tree when he helps, but this year he did it beautifully and he is so proud of how they look. He just stood there smiling and touching the branches when we were done, his eyes glowing. We are waiting for my mom to arrive for her visit before we finish decorating.

My Mom was supposed to arrive this afternoon, but because of the east coast storm (boo, hiss) she won't arrive until Monday :( Ben told me that he was disappointed and it was hard because he wanted to blame someone but there is no one to blame. We hugged and he decided that "que sera sera" (something he picked up from TheYamadas)and he would shift his perspective to looking forward to Monday. Six months ago, he wouldn't have handled the news so calmly.

We also made moderately successful Gingerbread houses this week. Ben's fell apart as he decorated and he decided it was a post apocalyptic house. He felt that he should look on the bright side, even though his house was in sugar coated pieces on the table. This statement, of course, sparked a family rendition of the song from The Life of Brian. Ethan's was the only house still standing (Arthur "blew up" his after Ben's fell) and he was so happy! His have always been the ones that fell down as a delicate touch is a new skill in his repertoire.The next two days will be spent decorating the outside tree and baking for mom's Monday night arrival.

I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday season full of love and light :)

Tasty Tea

2009-12-16T08:23:00.003-05:00

Tea of the year. I can taste my favorite tea right now. What's yours?

I'm more of a coffee drinker (independent roasters, you rock!!) but every once in a while a cup of tea is just right. I like a white tea asian plum blend from Salada. It's nice at night when I want a taste of something sweet without actually eating anything. David, Ben and Ethan prefer Tetley English Blend decaf, but Arthur is a coffee guy through and through!

Packaging Quote

2009-12-15T08:59:00.004-05:00

Best packaging. Did your headphones come in a sweet case? See a bottle of tea in another country that stood off the shelves?

I don't have a best package story for 2009 so I will share a best packaging statement. This is something that Ben said today in regards to the MP3 player he received a couple of years ago.

"I know they have to package it to prevent people from stealing it, but Jesus, I just want to open the damn thing without killing myself!"

Thank you and goodnight.

This One's Easy

2009-12-14T08:48:00.005-05:00

Rush. When did you get your best rush of the year?

It was a sunny, hot July afternoon, just after the 4th celebrations and a visit from my in-laws. We sat down as a family, made a list of the pros and cons, then decided that YES! we did want to pursue our dream of travelling the country. It was exhilarating to give ourselves permission to break away from the standard idea of success (the house, the job, the stuff) and just let our imaginations run wild! As we wait for the house to sell, it's a bit hard to remember that rush of joy on a summer day so it may be time to pull out the maps and websites to reignite our excitement.

If you know of any places in the United States that are a must see - let me know! I'll add it to the list.

Bring, Store, Sell, Donate, Pitch

2009-12-13T12:27:00.012-05:00

What's the best change you made to the place you live?

The 5 places for our stuff!!

Bring: Will it work in an RV? Will it make you happy?
Store: Is it special to you? Will you want it in 2 years?
Sell: Is it worth the effort?
Donate: Is it time to let it go? Is it in good shape?
Pitch: It be garbage, baby!

The best change to the place that I live has been to downsize. All of our clothes, furniture and tchotchkes have been placed in one of the above categories in preparation for our upcoming journey. No books, all books will go into storage as I want to have a full blown library in our next permanent residence! It has been wonderfully liberating to eliminate so many of our possessions. David and I have been more aggressive than the boys, they want to keep a lot more in storage and that's OK. It's what they need to be comfortable with our plans to travel and it's an easy thing to provide for them. I look forward to further purging and packing after the holidays.

New Food

2009-12-13T12:27:00.009-05:00

You're now in love with Lebanese food and you didn't even know what it was in January of this year.

I am embarrassed to admit that I can't recall trying any new foods this year. Wow. How depressing! This will be something that I have to rectify in 2010.

Wait!! David has just pointed out that I did indeed try something new! I had a nibble of venison sausage from the deer he "harvested" this year. It was teriyaki flavored and OK. I don't think that I want more than that nibble so I'll leave the rest for my men to enjoy.

Music

2009-12-13T12:26:00.012-05:00

Album of the year. What's rocking your world?

No album, just a lot of different songs I've picked up on my iPod. Current favorites that we all feel the need to crank while we bop around the house...

Across the Universe(remix) and Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk - both by Rufus Wainwright

All My Best Friends Are Metalheads by Less Than Jake, All Star by Smashmouth and The Rockafeller Skank by Fatboy Slim - all courtesy of the Digimon Movie

American Idiot by Green Day we've dubbed this one our family song

Brass Monkey and Intergalactic - Beastie Boys classics and one of Arthur's favorite groups

Clap Your Hands - Pale Young Gentleman

Death Is A Job - Charming Hostess

Dirty Denim- The Donnas

Draconian Crackdown -Rasputina

Exactly and I'm So Special -Amy Steinberg she kicks ass in a live performance

I Hear The Bells- Mike Doughty

The Rake's Song -The Decemberists Ben finds this one to be disturbing

Three Little Birds- Bob Marley & The Wailers David's favorite

Turkish Song of The Damned -The Pogues

White Light and All Alone- Gorillaz another favorite of Arthur's

Been Caught Stealing -Jane's Addiction

Wicked Little Critta, Yeh Yeh, Man, It's so Loud In Here- They Might Be Giants

Take The Skinheads Bowling- Camper Van Beethoven

Sweet Jane -Velvet Underground

Shake Your Bootie - KC and the Sunshine Band Ethan's daily request

There are more, but the listing could easily spin out of control.

My Best Place

2009-12-13T12:26:00.011-05:00

The best place. A coffee shop? A pub? A retreat center? A cubicle? A nook? MONTANA

Challenge

2009-12-13T12:25:00.006-05:00

Something that really made you grow this year. That made you go to your edge and then some. What made it the best challenge of the year for you?

I'm about to say something here that will sound trite and overdone and of course this changed your life, duh! But I'll still say it because it's not what you think.

My kids made me grow this year.

I am not the same person that I was on January 1st. In changing the ways that I interact with my sons, I have had to stretch my brain and creativity to their utmost. Questioning and examining traditional parenting responses like time outs, taking of privileges, groundings - all of which don't actually work, they just give the illusion of control while your kids become sneaky to avoid your wrath. Once I decided to abandon those approaches, a great black hole of "what the hell am I supposed to do now?" entered my life.

I've read and reread books like Sandra Dodd's Moving a Puddle and The Great Big Book of Unschooling, Rue Kream's Parenting a Free Child: An Unschooled Life. Unschooling discussion groups, website collections of writings and blogs written by unschooling parents. I have arduously rewired my brain to say "yes" more and "no" less, to embrace who my boys are without reservation. To treat them with the same respect that I give my husband and friends. To not dismiss their emotions or desires as childish. To not demean them in my facebook status updates or in conversation with family and friends.

The change benefits me as well as Ben, Arthur and Ethan. I am happier and I enjoy my time with my family so much more. I am not perfect, I have lousy days that I wish I could rewind, but overall I like who I am now better than the me of one year ago.

A Moment of Peace and Quit Kicking Your Brother

2009-12-13T12:05:00.001-05:00

Moment of peace. An hour or a day or a week of solitude. What was the quality of your breath? The state of your mind? How did you get there?

The irony of this topic on that particular day was that Arthur and Ethan were up at 3:30 in the morning-up for the day and there was little peace to be found in overtired, bickering boys. Then the next few days were a beautiful frenzy of baking, creating and wrapping gifts to send to family and filling out a stack of Christmas cards so I am a bit behind on my best of posts!

My moment of peace comes at the end of the day, when David and I snuggle up in bed(with or without kids) and we just talk. We talk about our hopes and dreams, what we want to do in the future, our favorite books or movies. We talk about our boys, but not when they are there. David is the person who can make me laugh until my stomach hurts and I love that he can still do that after 18 years together.

Often, the five of us watch a movie together. Netflix has been a great investment over the past 6 months! We have watched documentaries, anime, old B&W movies, 80's classics and some recent kids movies that we didn't see in the theatres. We love to discuss character motivation, how we would have done things differently if we created the film, what has changed and what hasn't in society. Sometimes, we just watch without discussing anything, simply enjoying each others company.

My family is my moment of peace.

Best Blog Find

2009-12-07T08:36:00.003-05:00

Blog find of the year. That gem of a blog you can't believe you didn't know about until this year.

Cake Wrecks. Hands down.

My friend Emily told me about it and it's now one of my favorites. David and I read it together and we laugh until we cry, some of the cakes are just so...disturbing, unbelievable, creepy and downright bizarre. Try this post, this one, ummm this, and maybe this. Then you are on your own to explore the site. Just don't blame me if you lose two hours in frosting/fondant laden insanity.

Day Six and I'm Still Here!

2009-12-06T13:40:00.003-05:00

Was there a conference or workshop you attended that was especially beneficial? Where was it? What did you learn?

Well, one of each, believe it or not. To avoid being redundant...

CONFERENCE -helping to reaffirm what we want to do and be for our kids

WORKSHOP - lighting my creative fires again

Night Out and About

2009-12-05T10:13:00.002-05:00

Night out. Did you have a night out with friends or a loved one that rocked your world? Who was there? What was the highlight of the night?

I don't recall any night out that rocked my world - I'm more into peaceful and calming pursuits when I get a chance to go out at this point in my life. Got enough world rockin' going on every day with three active boys!

One lovely event that stands out for me was my cousin's beach wedding at the end of May. I flew out to RI alone (an event in and of itself!) and was able to spend the evening talking with cousins, grandparents, mom, brother and SIL without having to worry about what was going on with my kids. It's a rare thing for me to be able to sit and have an uninterrupted conversation or meal so I enjoyed my night quite a bit. My family is also a lot of fun to hang out with, everyone is easy to talk to and quick to laugh. Nana, especially, has a great laugh when she gets going!

I guess I would call it a rejuvenating night out in 2009.

Books? Now We're Talking!

2009-12-04T10:20:00.002-05:00

What book - fiction or non - touched you? Where were you when you read it? Have you bought and given away multiple copies?

To ask someone to pick one book? Now, that's just cruel! I have read many books this year that I have loved for different reasons.

Jay Asher's Th1RTEEN R3ASONS WHY kept me reading until I finished the book at 3am. I absolutely could not put this book down until I knew how it ended. I then proceeded to have very vivid nightmares when I did finally fall asleep.

Suzanne Collin's The Hunger Games and Catching Fire were quick, interesting reads that left me feeling vaguely unsettled and anxious. I can't wait to see how the author wraps everything up in the third book.

Sandra Dodd's Big Book of Unschooling provides me with tons of unschooly inspiration every time I pick it up.

Vicki Forman wrote This Lovely Life, a beautiful, painful and honest book about raising a child with "special needs". I still find myself thinking about different passages from her book at random moments in my life.

My Baby Rides the Short Bus is a collection of essays by parents who would be considered outside of the "mainstream" of society and are parenting kids who are considered "special needs". I am blown away by the strength and love that comes through in every single essay, regardless of how difficult a situation may be.

My just for fun reads have been Terry Goodkind's Sword of Truth series and if you've seen the TV show The Legend of the Seeker that is based on his writing, just know that the books are about a million times better. When I watched the first episode of the show, I turned to David and said "I think this would be much better as a book." I was right! I wish that the creators of the show had remained true to the author's vision, the show would be more interesting if they did.

I have read many other books over the course of the year, but these are the ones that easily come to mind.

Favorite Article

2009-12-04T09:42:00.004-05:00

The one article that sparked some interesting discussions between me and David, one that I posted on my Facebook profile, was a piece called "Trashing Teens" on the Psychology Today website. It points out that teens today live in a prolonged state of artificial childhood, long past a time when they are capable of being responsible and contributing members of society. People's perceived "problems" with teens are actually created because of the way our society is structured. This article goes hand in hand with a blog post by the Zombie Princess (aka Ronnie) titled Hormones, exploring the way teens are so often dismissed as "irrational" because of their age. As Ben, Arthur and Ethan grow older, articles and blog posts such as these keep me centered and mindful of my words and actions. It helps me silence those traditional parenting voices in my head that are so disrespectful, making me a better mother to my sons.

Wish List

2009-12-02T19:17:00.003-05:00

We have a wooden Advent calendar that I fill every year for the boys. It always has a combination of candy and slips of paper with different things to do such as craft ideas, books to read, movies to watch among other items. Some things appear every year (like driving around to look at Christmas lights), others change as the boys get older (hiking out to cut our own tree).

Tonight's door revealed a request for a crazy Christmas wish list. Anything goes. What we ended up with was a mix of fantasy wishes and earnest desires. So here it is...

Crazy Christmas Wish List 2009

a natural hot spring behind our house
ToonTown
the ability to teleport
more ToonTown
real Pokemon
"Boy" as a real life friend
a large, bright studio with a wood stove and lots of bookcases
a wood stove for baking bread
lots of different kinds of music!
ToonTown trolley games
welding equipment and workshop
dinosaurs
a ranch with friendly goats
sound gags
a snake with some gerbils to feed it
geese
a real mudkip
super nice microscope
24 hour DairyQueen for blizzards whenever the mood strikes
six
massage chair
trip in a space shuttle
dancing
to have enough money to not need a job

Nom, Nom, Nom

2009-12-02T09:29:00.003-05:00

Restaurant moment. Share the best restaurant experience you had this year. Who was there? What made it amazing? What taste stands out in your mind?

Restaurant? What is this restaurant of which you speak?

Eating out is not something that we do all that frequently. Arthur is NOT a big fan of restaurants or babysitters so we tend to be an order in family. The fact that our area has no Indian restaurant to order from is an occasional source of disappointment for me.

One of the few times that the planets aligned and eating out was a feasible option for us was at the Life is Good conference in May. We arrived at a Joe's Crab Shack in Vancouver, WA just as it was opening and found ourselves at a sun-filled table with an amazing view of the Columbia River. The food was delicious - order the crab cake chipotle ceasar salad if you ever go there- and they had some great 70's and 80's rock playing. We were the only ones there so Arthur and Ethan danced around the table as we ate. One of my favorite restaurant experiences with the boys.

The Best of 2009 Blog Challenge

2009-12-01T17:40:00.004-05:00

Ben and I are going to try this out for the month of December - a question a day to document the past year. If you are interested in participating, there is a button on the sidebar linking to the website. Sign up or just follow along for fun!

When Ben read the first question, he immediately said that the 5th wheel trip was his favorite before I had told him what I was writing about. It's pretty cool that we had the same idea. His post can be found here. I waited to read it until I finished mine, didn't want to be influenced, ya know!

Trip. What was your best trip in 2009?

Our best trip this year was our least elaborate. This past July we decided to buy a 5th wheel and sell the house in order to travel the country. Well, the house is still for sale (lousy market!) but we took a quick trip in September to give the rig a test run. We wanted to make sure 5 people, a cat and a dog could live in a 32ft trailer without becoming insane. While there are still some bugs to be worked out, we all ended the week feeling good about our decision.

My biggest concern is having a space to do my art. The kitchen table is tiny and there really isn't any good sized space to spread out and work. The ranch we stayed at had a nice community room with a large table and I think that I would utilize those kinds of places when available. It's going to be a life that will require a lot of flexibility and I'm looking forward to the new experiences.

December...Are You Kidding?

2009-12-01T09:47:00.004-05:00

November was a full and wonderful month for our family. David had a successful hunting trip one cold Wednesday morning, although his elk hunting trip over Thanksgiving weekend was a bust. Too bad, he and the boys love a good elk steak and I love to watch them enjoying a good elk steak. BUT, the freezer is stocked with ground venison, venison summer sausage and venison jerky so they will be content with that this year.

Lots of fresh snow for outdoor adventures and it is snowing again this morning. December is a perfect time for snow as far as I'm concerned!

Babies being born to those so near and dear to us. A good friend had her son on the 21st - 9lbs6ozs *whew!* and I'm looking forward to meeting him in person after the families have had their turn. A quick weekend visit to see my niece-born October 26th to my brother and his wife. A beautiful, cherished baby that they have wanted for a long time. They are both wonderful parents and I am so very happy for them. Ethan is happy, too, can you tell? He was also amazed by how small everything is on a new baby!

After Thanksgiving exhaustion. Really, we all felt like this on Friday. Maybe he was just sleeping to avoid the three days of leftovers.

The grand finale in November - Arthur's 9th birthday!!! I honestly can't believe that he is NINE. He had a great day, singing Happy Birthday to himself before opening presents, playing improvised songs on the lap harp his great grandparents sent and relaxing in bed with some of his new books. I made Arthur a Totoro bento for dinner (not nearly as nice as this one) but he enjoyed it :)

So now we move into December and my fav-or-ite holiday of the year, Christmas! I love the music, the baking, thinking of fun advent calendar activities, making gingerbread houses, reading our much loved Christmas stories (a collection that grows every year) and trying to find gifts to make people smile. This year we are going to get a permit to cut our own tree from the National Forest, a new adventure for us and we are all very excited! I just hope it doesn't end up like the tree from Christmas Vacation. That would be bad.

Conversations

2009-11-10T09:30:00.001-05:00

Last week, Ben's new friend asked Ben if he went to church. The question may seem random, but it is something that definitely affects friendships around here. There are families that only allow their kids to play with other kids of the same religion for fear of contamination or a destruction of their kid's faith. We have encountered this with both homeschoolers and public schooled families. If your kids moral fiber is so fragile that mere conversation with someone of a different opinion can unravel their belief system, then it probably wasn't a strong belief to begin with.

Yesterday, Ben's friend mentioned they used to go to church before they moved to this state, but the church they found here does not allow the use of coffee or tea. (I don't know what church he was referring to and I will make no assumptions) Ben said to me he thought perhaps the parents simply did not want to attend church anymore, but didn't want to admit that fact to themselves. He felt the coffee/tea use was an easy excuse to gain what they wanted without having to really think about or question what they were doing.

He then talked about an experience at cub scouts last year when the boys in the group were asked to describe what faith meant to them. Ben said all of the boys seemed to give the same answer and he felt that they were just parroting something that had been fed to them, not really expressing their own views or thoughts. He told me that he had to really think about what faith meant to him before he could answer the question, that he was glad he didn't have a memorized response.

Ben also mentioned his fascination with different religions in the world. What they believe, how they are similar and not so similar. How religious beliefs have directed the course of history and why. It's an interesting topic! He ended the conversation by saying that if he someday decided to join a formal religion, it will be because he has thought about it and truly believes and understands it is the right course for him. He knows David and I will support him if he does choose this path.

It was a great conversation as we were driving around town on a sunny day.

Arthur's Week

2009-11-06T22:04:00.003-05:00

Arthur has had a very busy week, I've been finding evidence of his many projects scattered throughout the house. It's fun to walk into a room and see what he's been up to while my attention has been elsewhere.

Reading, reading, reading - of course. His day is not complete if he hasn't spent some time with his beloved books. There is something about being surrounded by literature that just makes him happy!

Crossword puzzle. A friend of mine sent us an envelope full of puzzle books (thanks, Jen!) and after watching me for a couple of days, Arthur decided to give one a try. I love how he so precisely filled in the squares.
A random work of clothes hanger art in our closet. Every once in a while different versions of this sculpture appear. One night every doorknob in the downstairs was sporting a plastic hanger. Pretty cool!

Self Portrait. Notice the eyeglasses in the drawing, he was very proud of that little detail. When Arthur drew another portrait the next night, he left off the glasses because he wasn't wearing them. He looks so grown up in this photo!

He also decided to write his name last night, something he hasn't particularly been interested in lately.

Arthur has also been on a hike, watched Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, memorized the Digimon movie (it's so much fun to watch with him, he acts out all of the parts), spent a day pretending to be a puppy and has just generally been his own awesome self. He's a great person to spend time with, I'm grateful that I get the opportunity to do so every day!!

Carnival of Unschooling Life

2009-11-02T10:47:00.001-05:00

It's posted!!! There are several new blogs this month with some great entries. Check it out!

The Obligatory Halloween Pics ;)

2009-11-01T16:15:00.003-05:00

This has to be my favorite photo this year. Ethan is so incredibly happy with his "Boy" costume (his character on ToonTown) and this pic just captures his joy! He wore the nose and ears for most of the day.
All together now. Ben as a Castform (Pokemon), Arthur as SuperWhy (after 5 consecutive years as Spiderman, a change of costume!) and Ethan as "Boy".

The morning after. Arthur woke up this AM, stripped off his shirt and got down to the very important business of eating his candy. He didn't even have time to look up and smile for the camera.

Ethan let me borrow his Pikachu hat last night, he didn't want me to go out without a costume. How embarrassing would THAT be?

This photo just makes me laugh! I think I may post it as my profile pic on Facebook.

I hope you all enjoyed your Halloween shenanigans :D

Smile

2009-10-28T13:03:00.002-04:00

Things that me smile...

The short story that Ben is writing.

Ethan hopping on his bouncy ball.

Arthur saying my name because he's happy.

Ben being excited about his pottery class.

Arthur and his stack of catalogues.

Ethan laughing until he doesn't make any sound.

Coffee brewing, brownies baking, music playing.

Working at Play

2009-10-23T10:35:00.019-04:00

"When we adults think of children there is a simple truth that we ignore: childhood is not preparation for life; childhood is life. A child isn't getting ready to live; a child is living. No child will miss the zest and joy of living unless these are denied by adults who have convinced themselves that childhood is a period of preparation"

-John A Taylor Notes on an Unhurried Journey

I am frequently asked what my children do all day and to give the answer "well, they play", while accurate, seems to be an inadequate response. People are looking for a list of activities that indicate that my boys are visibly productive, working towards a clear goal in neatly numbered steps. Our society has largely lost the ability to play and, more significantly, appreciate the importance of play.

"What we have to learn to do, we learn by doing" -Aristotle

A quick Google search this morning revealed three articles discussing the importance of play in childhood development. One from NPR in February 2008, another from The Scientific American Mind in February 2009, and a report on The Importance of Play in Promoting Healthy Child Development and Maintaining Strong Parent-Child Bonds from the American Academy of Pediatrics in 2007. All three articles agree that play is critical to the healthy growth of humans.

"When I approach a child, he inspires in me two sentiments; tenderness for what he is, and respect for what he may become." - Louis Pasteur

The NPR story attributes a lack of creativity in play today to the mass marketing of toys, starting in 1955 with Mattel. "Until 1955, ad budgets at toy companies were minuscule, so the only time they could afford to hawk their wares on TV was during Christmas. But then came Mattel and the Thunder Burp, which, according to Howard Chudacoff, a cultural historian at Brown University, was a kind of historical watershed. Almost overnight, children's play became focused, as never before, on things — the toys themselves. " Chudacoff argues that kids imaginative play diminished at this point because play was then scripted according to the type of toy or TV show/movie it originated from.

"As a child lives today, he will tomorrow." - John Dewey

I disagree with this and I believe it seriously underestimates the range and diversity of a child's imagination. It is not the object that stifles the imagination, it is a lack of respect for the serious business of play. If a child is given the space, time and respect required, it doesn't matter what kind of toy they have in their hand. Their story will unfold and the object will become anything they desire. I have watched my boys play pretend ToonTown, Pokemon, and Avatar. Their imagination takes the plot of those shows and games and creates new dramas and adventures for the characters.

"Learning is a kind of natural food for the mind." - Cicero

The article in The Scientific American Mind and the paper from the American Academy of Pediatrics both mention that children lack the space to play because parents and schools are pushing children to succeed academically at younger ages than in years past. Free time is being sacrificed in favor of structured activities; different kinds of lessons, gym classes, sports programs. Individually, these activities can be fun, en masse, they are hampering a child's ability to develop their cognitive skills. From the NPR piece: "According to Berk, one reason make-believe is such a powerful tool for building self-discipline is because during make-believe, children engage in what's called private speech: They talk to themselves about what they are going to do and how they are going to do it...Unfortunately, the more structured the play, the more children's private speech declines."

"Life was meant to be lived, and curiosity must be kept alive." - Eleanor Roosevelt

Sergio M. Pellis, a behavioral neuroscientist at the University of Lethbridge in Alberta, believes that restricting a child's access to free, unstructured play “simply defrays those costs to later, when those same children will have difficulty in dealing with an unpredictable, complex world,” Pellis says. “A child who has had a rich exposure to social play experiences is more likely to become an adult who can manage unpredictable social situations.”

"There is no difference between living and learning." - John Holt

I began thinking about this after I read a piece about the serious work of play, over at Anne's blog Main Entry: rad·i·cal Pronunciation: \ˈra-di-kəl\ . Her son, Sam, coined the term "pinicular work" to describe the most precious time of learning, growing and discovering in childhood. The work that all children need the space to perform in order to be, according to the research contained in all three of the articles I found, happy and successful adults.

"To invent you need a good imagination and a pile of junk." - Thomas Edison

What I love about the term "pinicular work" is that her son was 3 when he knew how important his play was to his well being. It didn't need to be taught, it is knowledge that we are all born with but most forget. The subject that so many psychiatrists and scientists need to study in order to understand it's significance was, and continues to be so many years later, a daily part of Sam's life. His parents gave him the gift of respecting his need to pursue his passions and be consumed by his imagination.

"The important thing is not to stop questioning." - Albert Einstein

My boys spend their days playing, lost in their imaginary worlds, exploring ideas for hours at a time. The best parts of my day involve watching them create, discover and simply enjoy their time to do whatever it is that they deem to be necessary at that particular moment. Perhaps, when I am asked what my kids do all day I should cite the information that I gathered from the articles. Or, maybe I'll just tell them that my kids are involved in their "pinicular work".

"Childhood has it's own way of seeing, thinking, and feeling, and nothing is more foolish than to try to substitute ours for theirs." - Jean Jacques Rousseau

I hope that my boys have the honor of continuing this kind of work throughout their lives.

Unerzogen Magazine Article

2009-10-19T11:54:00.004-04:00

I had the opportunity to write for the German Unerzogen Magazine last month about my journey unschooling kids who would be considered "atypical" or "special needs" in a mainstream system. It was co-written with Ren Allen, a long time unschooling mom of four and one of several experienced parents whose willingness to share their time, advice and support have helped me to embrace and understand the concepts of unschooling. Her posts on the AlwaysLearning and unschoolingbasics groups are what started me thinking about labels and how unnecessary they are, so it was nice to get a chance to meet and hear her talk at LiG in May. Ren's article can be found here, it's a beautiful piece honoring her son, Jalen, and containing a lot of great ideas. Her depth of experience is a nice balance for my newbie perspective! If you are able to read German (or just want to see the photos that go with the writing), you can purchase the articles at the magazine's website. ;)

SO HERE IT IS! THE UNERZOGEN ARTICLE:

My family is relatively new to unschooling, doing so for about a year and a half now, and I understand how some of the concepts can be hard to accept. A few of the common sticking points that pop up time and time again in the online message boards involve letting go of television limits, inflexible bedtimes, and controlling the food our children eat. The most challenging idea for me was that the principles of unschooling remain the same for every child. Children learn what they need to know, when they need to know it, when they are respected, trusted, and surrounded with interesting things to do. This will work because all children are born with a love of and a desire for learning. It seems pretty basic, the same for every child no matter who they are. Why was this so difficult for me to grasp?

I am the mom of three amazing boys (ages 12, 8 and 6) the younger two would be labeled “special needs” if they attended a formal school. Society tells us that kids who develop at a significantly different pace from the established norm require a team of experts, therapists, doctors and teachers in order to lead a functional life. The accepted belief is that children with developmental delays cannot learn or progress without these teams, that they somehow lack the capacity to learn on their own. There is an underlying idea that parents cannot possibly understand how to raise their own kids because they don’t have the years of training that the experts’ posses. There is a subtle, pervasive notion that these beautiful, whole individuals need to be fixed. These children are considered broken. Society’s expectation was hindering my ability to understand how the principles of unschooling applied to my sons.

When I first started reading the discussion threads in the online unschooling groups, I felt frustrated. How could I possibly use these concepts with my two youngest boys when they need so much help in their daily lives? The sentence “well, they won’t be (choose one) having toileting accidents, running in the street without looking, screaming because they are unable to express their needs when they are 20 years old” caused me to cringe because in my house we could be dealing with the same issues at that point. In order to trust my sons, I needed to stop buying into what the experts preached and throw away their test results. The word functional was used repeatedly in reference to my boys, but I wanted them to be more than just functional in life. I wanted them to be content. I accepted the idea that it will always be me, my husband and one, possibly two of our kids for the rest of our lives. Arthur and Ethan would let me know what they needed if I listened to them.

Over the course of the last year we have discontinued their Occupational, Physical and Speech therapies. Neither Arthur nor Ethan were enjoying their time with the therapists and would spend their sessions diligently avoiding any activity set before them. It occurred to me that no matter how kind and well intentioned the therapists may have been, hours of therapy every week was implying “you’re not good enough” or “you are broken”. It is the job of specialists and therapists to find what they define as a problem and try to fix it, but the resulting message told my sons they were flawed. How could Arthur and Ethan possibly succeed if that was the undertone of their lives? They responded by shutting down and I could think of many other ways we could be spending the time we devoted to therapy. I am not arguing that therapy is evil and always unnecessary. I’m encouraging parents to think about why their child is there and whether it’s the right path for their child at that moment. For us, it was not.

Arthur and Ethan are just as capable of knowing their needs as my oldest son Ben, even if they can’t communicate it in the same way. The principles of unschooling are the same for every single child. In trusting them, they have shown me that they will learn at their own pace. I am often surprised by what they have learned without my knowing when it happened. I discovered that Arthur could drink without a straw when he picked up his dad’s orange juice and drank the entire glass. I knew that he could pour his own milk when I came into the kitchen and saw him sitting at the table with a full cup. The day I learned that he could dress and undress himself involved an afternoon in the backyard in various states of nudity. Arthur showed his ability to continue a color pattern when he successfully completed a computer game without any help. Ethan told me he understood subtraction when he informed me that we used to have three fish, then two, then one. He demonstrated addition by stating that if we bought two fish, we would have three again. I have not given them formal lessons on any of these topics, they learned because it was relevant to their lives. Just for the record, the four skills that Arthur demonstrated to me recently were skills that the experts said he would require therapy to learn.

Arthur loves books and is rarely without one or more in his arms. The I spy books, gaming manuals, photography collections, art museum guides, cookbooks, toy catalogues, he loves them all. He also memorizes them all. After spending an afternoon building marble mazes, he rummaged through the bookshelves until he found the I spy book with the photograph of marbles. I asked him to find the marble with the cat on it and he didn’t even hesitate before pointing. When he watches Pokémon, he brings out the gaming manuals and immediately flips to the page describing the Pokémon shown on the screen. He remembers books that I have forgotten we own and pulls them out in order to suit whatever he is working on that day. He has no interest in reading right now and I don’t want to squash his love of books by putting him on a schedule to read. He understands the pictures and that is the first step. He’ll take the next step when he is ready, whether it is in 6 months or 6 years the information is available to him. We’re in no rush. If he’s never ready to take that next step, he will have retained his passion for books.

Ethan has an incredible imagination. He will watch a movie or play a video game and spend the rest of the day pretending to be in that game or movie, acting out scenarios. Six months ago his speech was very difficult to comprehend, but through his pretend play his clarity has improved so much that people outside of the immediate family can often understand him. He wants to be heard, so he works on speaking clearly. When he can’t think of or can’t say the word he wants to use, he uses sound effects to express himself. It is a very clever way to work around a temporary problem. I have no doubt that he will continue to improve because it’s important to him. Arthur, by contrast, doesn’t feel the need to communicate verbally and has mastered expressing himself with gestures and facial expressions. Both boys are meeting their needs at this time without intervention. Respecting the way that they choose to communicate increases their confidence and encourages them to continue to grow.

Therapy can be a great resource when a child has a goal in mind and wants to be there. A year ago, my 8 year old became frustrated with his lack of coordination when he was trying to run. We engaged a physical therapist with the understanding that it would be a short term commitment. He learned to run and we ended the sessions. When he needed the skill, Arthur expressed the desire and enthusiastically worked towards his goal. His glowing face the day he ran across the yard for the first time was amazing, he owned that moment. I don’t think that it would have been as meaningful for him if someone else had decided it was time for him to learn to run and forced the skill upon him.

Most of society labels Arthur and Ethan “special needs”, but not me. I don’t believe that labels are helpful when they are used to define a human being; they tend to eclipse the child by making him a diagnosis instead of a person. It doesn’t mean that the unique challenges my children have don’t exist or that I am turning a blind eye to what is difficult for them. Simply that I prefer to look at them as whole people, catering to their specific needs without attempting to put them in a neat, little box. Labels are useful in providing access to information as long as that information is tailored to the child instead of molding the child to fit the information. I have read books and articles about speech therapies, discarded the research that does not apply to my boys and adapted ideas that I thought would help them. We play games such as bouncing on a ball while making different sounds, have learned some ASL, and we make silly faces to exercise their muscles. The activities are done with their consent and I know I’ve found something that suits them when I find Arthur or Ethan playing the game without me. When they are bored, we stop. If they say no to what I offer, I respect that no and drop the activity.

Ethan is very physical, so much so that he makes the people around him uncomfortable by crashing into or climbing on them. I decided that it was time for me to look into information about sensory disorders. A good amount of the descriptions seem to fit his personality, but much of it does not. I sorted through some of the sensory games offered in different books and websites to help meet his physical needs. When he is having a very active day, we do some of the exercises as play and it seems to help him. I do the same type of research when Ben is interested in learning something new. I find programs or games that I think will help him gain the knowledge he is seeking and fit it to his personality. There is no need to label any of my boys in order to help them learn.

I don’t know what will happen in the future, but I do know that there is no deadline for learning. A skill learned at ages 6 or 8 is just as much of an accomplishment when it’s learned at 20 or 30. Arthur and Ethan have enough obstacles in society without their family throwing more in their way. They are faced with people who will want to see them as a label, put them in a category. They will encounter people who won’t hear them because of who they are. My role in their lives is to trust, respect and support them. It’s not my place to force my expectation of success on any of my sons. Their home and family should always be the space that they can be themselves, accepted and loved unconditionally for the wonderful, unbroken people that they are. I can only write about my own experience of how kids flourish with unschooling. Each family makes their own path to what works best for them and they will do so knowing that the principles of unschooling are the same for every child.

Letterboxing

2009-10-11T12:32:00.002-04:00

This was something that we did briefly in Rhode Island, then forgot about until our camping trip last month. It was a lot more fun now that the boys are a bit older, I think all but Ben were too little 3 years ago.

Letterboxing is similar to geocaching, but letterboxing does not use a GPS system and there are no trinkets in the boxes to leave or take. There are a couple of online sites with directions to letterboxes that people have hidden, a good site to get started on is Letterboxing North America. It has information about the process and etiquette of letterboxing. Once you find a box, you leave your stamp in their logbook and put their stamp in your personal book, making sure no one sees you find the box or hide it. So far we have one Rhode Island site and two Montana hikes. The Rhode Island and one of the Montana boxes were part of a series. Last week, we went on a hike through Bozeman and along the path were five separate boxes!

The weather was warm and sunny, a perfect day for a two mile hike.
Arthur loves the whole idea of leaving his stamp in the logbooks.
The round trip hike lasted three hours. There were plaques to read that discussed the history and geology of the area, a picnic lunch, an unexpected playground along the route, a lovely woman picking apples in her yard who shared some of her harvest with us, this awesome chain statue at the Museum of the Rockies...

and a climbing rock at Langor Park where we met some new homeschoolers :)

Our plan was to take a hike once a week throughout the fall, but as beautiful as the first Friday of October was, the second Friday was a 20 degree, windy, snowy day. We all voted to stay home. The third Friday is looking like it will be more temperate, so we'll pick a new box and head out on another adventure!

Piano Stairs

2009-10-10T20:47:00.001-04:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2lXh2n0aPyw

I might need to have a set of these.

MT SCBWI Retreat

2009-10-04T00:00:00.007-04:00

Two weeks ago, my friend, Emily, and I hopped into my super stylish minivan and took off for the Montana Society of Children's Book Writers and Illustrators retreat. A retreat at the Boulder Hot Springs Inn, with delicious meals and hot springs pools. Mmmmmmm. Very relaxing.

In addition to eating and soaking, I participated in a workshop with illustrator Priscilla Burris. A very talented artist with an easy smile and laugh. Plus, she knows Cake Wrecks so she has to be fun to hang out with! It was inspiring to be able to spend an afternoon with a group of artists, talking about networking, getting published, and self promotion. I came away from the experience with new ideas for my portfolio and mailers. As soon as I get several pending projects out of the way, I'll be able to get moving on developing my work.

This was also the first time that I submitted a manuscript to be critiqued by the visiting editors. I was a nervous mess, but it went well. Naomi Kirsten read my story and had positive things to say, along with excellent (helpful, needed) suggestions to improve my first (20th) attempt at writing this book. Of course, she was so nice, she probably could have told me my work was garbage and it wouldn't have been painful. Well, not too painful. O.K. it still would have hurt, but she was very gracious in her critique and in her dealings with a hotel full of aspiring writers.

What did my men do all weekend without me? Arthur and Ethan didn't even notice that I had left until I had been gone several hours. I did say good-bye, I guess they missed it. Ben called a couple of times Friday afternoon looking for the location of various items, but then didn't call again for the rest of the weekend. They ate ice cream, watched movies, played Wii, read books and generally loafed around the house. I don't believe that I was missed much at all. Exactly as it should be.

TwoHouse Maiden Voyage

2009-10-03T20:58:00.008-04:00

We found a lovely campsite on the Jefferson River in Silver Star, MT for our first voyage in TwoHouse. The general consensus at the end of the trip is that we can live in the 5th wheel fulltime and not want to strangle one another. Ben did say that we would all need to adjust our personal boundaries and be more patient with each other in the reduced space. A good observation. It was hard for David to go back to work as he is ready to leave now. The house will sell eventually, we just need a bit of that patience Ben was talking about.

Now for the vacation photos! The view from our campsite, incredibly cheap in the off season at $15 a night with hook-ups. Sweet! Across the field is the fishing access to the Jefferson.
Where Ethan did a little fishing before taking a tumble into the river. It scared him, but it was shallow and David pulled him out pretty quickly.

Arthur spent some time harassing the fish with his Spiderman fishing rod. Spiderman rocks.

Ben caught his first rainbow trout! He was very excited and I was very relieved that he knew how to get the fish off of the hook since David had taken Arthur back to the rig. It went back into the Jefferson as it was a small fish.

This was a cool place up in Pipestone, MT. The rocks actually ring like bells! It was so much fun climbing all over the rocks to find the different tones. After his river tumble, Ethan wasn't too keen on climbing high up the pile. Arthur scrambled over the rocks like a mountain goat, but wasn't interested in ringing the rocks. Ben managed to do both :)

Ben finding the best tones. The good tones were up high. Perhaps it had to do with the open space around the rocks.

Whittling. Ethan liked peeling the bark from the branches he found on the ground. Serious concentration here.

Chopping wood for the fire. It's not camping unless you sit under the stars keeping warm by the fire.

Arthur, the keeper of the fire. We would periodically shout a number and Arthur would throw that number of logs in the fire pit. He would do it with one hand (and one eye) on the book.

A temporary marshmallow dilemma. Arthur doesn't eat the marshmallows, he just enjoys setting them on fire and watching them melt.

Ethan, however, loves his S'mores.

A lovely vacation and a taste of what is in our future.

Necessary Conversation

2009-10-03T09:51:00.006-04:00

I have had many different reactions to my boys over the years from many different people. A few are downright rude and ignorant - the man who stares with his mouth hanging open as my kid runs by laughing or the woman with tears in her eyes whispering "poor little thing" as she tries to take my hand. Most are well-meaning but don't understand that there is nothing tragic or "disabled" about our lives. The people who profess to not know how I do it (do what? parent? love my kids?), the people who offer prayers for my boys (sure, but they're really OK), the people who awkwardly comment on how well my sons are doing without really knowing them (how do you know?), the people who act like they are potted plants come to life (look! he knows that he wants juice!) or the strangers who ask personal questions (what's his diagnosis? how many Dr's do you see? hello! am I asking you for your medical history?).

It seems that the majority of the population has no idea what to do when faced with a child that doesn't fit their stereotyped image. I include myself in this statement, up until the age of 20 when I started working for a school program and summer camp for kids with "special needs". When I finally figured out that people are people, living their lives the best way they are able.

Kids, on the other hand, are pretty straightforward about what they see. They ask what's wrong and if they receive a simple, honest answer they are usually OK with whoever is hanging around the playground. Some kids are more comfortable around my boys than others, but no one gets along with everyone 100% of the time. We need to remember that differing personalities come into play in any interaction and it's not always about our kids being discriminated against. As long as no paranoid adult comes along shushing them and herding them away, the majority of kids seem to take most every one's quirks in stride.

A funny story about kids asking questions; I once had a little girl ask me what was wrong with Ethan's feet (he has orthopedic problems) and I spent several seconds searching for blood or injury when her mother recognized my utter lack of understanding and stated "It's just the way he was born." Talk about Mama love being blind to all things!

This post touches upon that conversation. Christy of Following Elias had a thoughtful reader ask how parents should handle talking to their children about kids with differences. Christy opened up the question to her readers and there were some great answers and suggestions. It is a topic no one talks about, but everyone wants to get right. Hence the well meaning, but tortuous responses listed above. People may label my sons, but first and foremost they are kids, people, little boys. They do not need any one's pity, horror or fear. If we have more open dialogues, perhaps society will see the person before the diagnosis.

Just as Christy had her encounter with the guy at the elevator that just got it right, I had my experience with an individual that gave me a gift. It was at the LiG conference in May when a mom came up to me and said she could not stop watching my boys, that she thought they were amazing. She went on to explain that she believes that we all travel through many different lives in our quest to gain experiences as human beings. Each life that we have gives us a new level of humanity, new lessons to learn. Her belief is that a person can only experience a life as someone with "special needs" when they have learned everything else. To her, this is the highest form of enlightenment and what we all aspire to in our journey as human beings. The pinnacle. The fact that there is one person out there in the world who looks upon my boys and sees the most beautiful form of human being keeps a smile in my heart.

October Edition

2009-10-01T11:44:00.003-04:00

The October edition of the Carnival of Unschooled Life is up at The Expanding Life. I know what I'll be doing this afternoon!

We're Baaa-ack!

2009-09-28T13:30:00.006-04:00

With so much to say and not enough time to say it! Our inaugural run in "twohouse" last week and a wonderful weekend at the MT Society of Children's Book Writers and Illustrators retreat while David and the boys partied at home. I'll be carving out some niches of time to update everyone this week. Happy Monday!!

Gone Fishing

2009-09-19T09:02:00.000-04:00

See You In A Week

Pikachu Hats!

2009-09-15T22:00:00.003-04:00

I posted pics on FB, too. They are so darn cute (the hats and the boys) that I'm putting their pics everywhere. I tweaked this pattern to make them... http://www.instructables.com/id/Sew-a-Where-the-Wild-Things-Are-hat-pattern/ It's a great site, spend some time poking around :)

What's Up With Us

2009-09-14T11:48:00.007-04:00

Big paper saves the day...again. Arthur and Ethan had spent the morning watching old Pokemon episodes which then inspired them to have fierce battles of their own. By fierce, I mean actually injuring one another! So, out came the big paper, two happy boys and a less stressed mom*whew*

Arthur spotted the economy sized box of fruit pops at Costco last week, he and Ben have been indulging in a last bit of summer flavors. Ethan likes sweets, but doesn't care for Popsicles. I think he doesn't like committing so much time to a treat. He's a busy guy, he needs to snack and go. I often end up holding his melting, half eaten pop as he takes off to the next activity. The Tie Dye is one of Arthur's favorite shirts.

Arthur followed David as he mowed the backyard on Saturday. He was singing as he walked. (Arthur, not David)

We baked a lovely chocolate cake for David's 38th birthday. It was amazingly delicious! This is Ethan's kind of treat, can't you tell?

It was so tasty that Arthur smiled every time he took a bite. Go bake one immediately.

Block towers in the early morning sunlight.

We have had this wagon since Ben was a baby. It's back axles are bent and the wheels splay out to an alarming degree. The wagon has been a favorite toy for 11 years, it's used just about every day in the nice weather. The boys look like they have just made an important discovery, right here in our backyard. Must be the two dozen pumpkins we have growing in our garden. I may have over planted. At least we'll have a good looking porch on Halloween!

Ben has been busy lately with a variety of projects. He's finishing his lap quilt, inventing a new game (David says it is good), listening to Inkheart, watching a lot of Monty Python and working on a short story he started a while back. Today he is pacing the house in anticipation of a Lego delivery. He just doesn't care to have his picture taken that much anymore, so I don't have visuals of his activities!

Arthur continues to read, read, read every day. He's also pulled out his Playmobile people and they have many adventures in his room.

Ethan has been very interested in building (Lego's, Brio, blocks, marble runs) and his pretend scenarios become more elaborate every day.

That's all for now!

Sunday Afternoon

2009-09-14T09:23:00.001-04:00

Kiki

Kiki's Friends
Can you guess what we watched yesterday?

Time

2009-09-09T13:51:00.006-04:00

Me and my boys, aren't they gorgeous?

The other night, David and I were talking about the LiG conference and the minor discussion on several unschooling online groups regarding supervision of young kids at the recent Northeast Unschooling Conference. It seems that there were some little kids exploring the hotel, apparently without any adult nearby to keep an eye on things. I wasn't there, my information is second (or third) hand and there are differing accounts and opinions about whether or not the kids should have been accompanied by a parent. I won't comment about the matter, but it sparked a different discussion with me and David. Letting Arthur and Ethan go is not an option for us, we are with our two younger boys always.

I mentioned to David that I was a bit jealous of the Mom's of teens at LiG, able to relax and talk with other parents as we followed Arthur and Ethan through the hotel, waving to each other as we passed in the halls. One Mom joked about how she had put in her time over the years and now she gets to relax and enjoy the result of all of that time spent taking care of her kids. She's right and that's one of the nice things about kids growing older. You get to enjoy the amazing young adults that they have become without having to worry quite so much. Sandra Dodd has a funny sketch about the number of hours in a day spent with kids versus the age of kids. The chart for our family looks very different than this. Our time spent with kids will always be more than the time we have for ourselves. David and I laughed when we realized we could be at LiG in 10 years, still roaming the halls after our son(s), still a little envious of the parents who can sit with their glasses of wine and talk.

We don't need to be pitied, we don't feel sorry for ourselves. The boys are awesome and it's just how our life is. I've accepted it and I look forward to many years of watching my kids grow and learn, whether they go out on their own or stay in their parents care. The only thing that I find difficult is that I haven't (yet) met anyone in the unschooling community who will be with their kids long term and the people I meet who know that they carry this responsibility all have their kids in school and intensive therapies. They don't understand how we can trust that our kids will learn without a team of experts. It's a different kind of parenting when you know that it really is forever, when you have to think about who will care for your adult child if something happens to you.

Perhaps as we head out into the wider world, out of our small community, we will have the opportunity to meet some parents who understand our particular journey. It will be nice to make those connections. David and I are committed to our unschooling path with all of our boys, we've already seen how they have blossomed, how they learn because they are curious. Who knows what will happen in the next 10 years, perhaps we will be able to sit with that glass of wine (for a few minutes) after all.

Arthur Loves His Books

2009-09-06T16:04:00.000-04:00

Carnival of Unschooled Life

2009-09-01T13:51:00.001-04:00

The September edition is up at The Expanding Life! Head on over and see what people are writing about.

Well Said

2009-09-01T08:54:00.001-04:00

A beautifully written article about why schools don't and can't work is posted over at Zenhabits.

Rainy Afternoon

2009-08-31T19:15:00.003-04:00

Is a Lego afternoon. We all had fun, Ethan maybe a little less than everyone else. I've decided that Legos, emerging fine motor skills, low tolerance for frustration and a burning need to do everything without help are not a good combination. He made it through with shrieks and some tears, but was very proud of the end result. He even gave himself a round of applause!

I love watching hands at work. The first things I notice about people are eyes and hands. (Yes, David's are nice ;) So here are some busy, rainy afternoon hands.

Ben's

Arthur's

Ethan's

And the whole crew busy together.

Noon

2009-08-31T19:10:00.002-04:00

What noon looks like when you wake up at 3AM

Neurotic Nellie

2009-08-29T16:50:00.006-04:00

I have an irrational fear of spiders. I feel that this is OK because I am aware that it is irrational and I am careful not to display my neurosis in front of the kids. No need to pass on crazy to them.

Way back in High School, my friends talked me into seeing the movie Arachnophobia and I spent the next two weeks in a state of twitchy nervousness, rubbing my arms and legs just in case a large group of spiders had decided to swarm me.

When I was a kid sleeping over my grandparents house one night, I remember lying on the floor, watching a spider walk across the ceiling above my head. Just as I was asking my brother if he thought spiders ever slipped - IT DID - and fell right on my face. Horrors!!

Really, if they just stayed outside, we would have a great relationship. I'm always happy to see them in the garden and yard. It's the idea of them roaming my house while I'm sleeping that freaks me right out. See, neurotic.

Two years ago I spotted one of these beauties in the house. A Northern black Widow. Of course, David was in Seattle, WA for a training course and could not get home in time to help me. With amazing bravery, I captured the spider in a jar and put it on David's workbench. I needed proof that it was, in fact, a Black Widow since he was skeptical of my spider identification skills and thought that fear had clouded my judgement.

There have been no further spider incidents until last night when the cat cornered one of these in my bathroom. A Hobo Spider. Defined by the helpful people at Montana State University as the Aggressive House Spider "important medically because of it's ability to cause necrotic spider bites". It was difficult to go to sleep as I had convinced myself that they travel in packs and one could spring on me at any moment. After David took away my spider identification information and checked the bathroom again, I was able to fall asleep. He's such a good guy.

But here's my real hero. Ferg the cat. Spotter of spiders.

Overheard

2009-08-25T09:02:00.004-04:00

Ethan playing with Fisher Price people on a teetering pile of toys.

Person #1: "Aaaaahhhhhh! Help me! Help me! I'm falling!!!!!"

Person #2: "Here I am! Oh no! I'm falling, too!!!!!"

Persons 1&2: "Aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!"

grotesque splat noise accompanied by much spitting.

Peppercorn Medley Vinaigrette

2009-08-24T16:02:00.005-04:00

Here is the recipe for Peppercorn Medley Vinaigrette - by Ben

1/4 cup water
red cooking wine to taste
1/4 cup olive oil
splash of vinegar
pinch of peppercorn medley(bought in a grinder in the spice section of the store)
pinch of salt

(red wine vinegar is best)

This is a recipe that Ben concocted a couple of weeks ago. It was a rainy Friday afternoon and he decided to make a pasta salad with his own dressing. It's not bad - a good base recipe to play with and expand on. He also added pea pods, carrots and red sweet peppers. He chopped up a little parsley from the garden. The written recipe he sent me is a bit incomplete, but that's how he likes to cook. A bit of this, a bit of that, whatever his mood requires.

Ben wanted the end result to be a surprise so he asked for us all to leave the kitchen. I guess he got lonely because after a while I realized he was talking on the phone. As he was cooking, he started thinking about his Great Grandmother and decided to give her a call to chat. They discussed Wii games, different ways to make a salad dressing, what they would do when we visit them in Kentucky someday and where Ben wants to go when we are fulltiming in our 5th wheel. When I talked to her a few days later, she mentioned how much fun she had talking with him and how pleased she was that he had wanted to call her.

I love that Ben enjoys cooking. I'm happy that he has such a beautiful connection to his Nana. Years from now, this recipe will be a nice reminder of a rainy day and a loving relationship.

ToonTown Madness

2009-08-24T10:15:00.003-04:00

I've mentioned in the past how passionate Ethan is about his ToonTown, playing it online, talking about it, pretending to be a Toon battling cogs throughout the house and yard. Lately, he's even begun to dream about it. The first time he dreamed about ToonTown, he was so surprised and excited to discover a whole new dimension to his love of the game. Very cute.

The madness is spreading.

Arthur has discovered the joys of ToonTown.

I was never a kid who was very into video games, not like my younger brothers. They didn't interest David much, either. Now we have three gamers in the house and I am learning, learning, learning about the systems and games. I am also learning to appreciate how much my kids get out of these games.

Ethan's verbal skills have taken off since he started playing TT on a regular basis. He has so many ideas and things to say about his character in the game and his speech just was not keeping up with his need. I realized last night that I can understand so much more of what he says now and we have lengthy conversations about TT and any other topic he has been thinking about.

Now that Arthur is in on the act, taking turns has become a necessary part of our day. It's the first time they have been very interested in the same activity. After an initial couple of days of weeping and frustration, they both are understanding the concept and happily waiting for their turn at the keyboard. Ethan prefers to set a timer to see the numbers counting down to his turn, Arthur just checks in periodically to see when he can play. I love watching them leaning against each other while they play the game, offering advice, cheering each other on, giving hugs when a Toon becomes sad.

Ethan plays pretend ToonTown several times a day, sometimes by himself, sometimes enlisting me, David or Ben to be robots (cogs). This week, Arthur started playing the game as well. They were Toons working together to beat Yesmen and Flunkies. This is the first time Arthur has actively participated in imaginary games with his own person as a character. He's pretended with Playmobile and Fisher Price People toys, but not acted out a game with himself as a main player. Yesterday, he went into his bedroom, put on a Spiderman shirt and flew around the house on his webs. Awesome!

I didn't start a ToonTown account to "teach" my kids these lessons, they wanted to play so we have an account. I say yes to TT because they get so much joy out of playing. The other stuff I mentioned just developed along with it. I happened to notice the changes in Arthur's and Ethan's abilities and appreciate them. They would have learned these things with or without ToonTown, but I like seeing the connections between video games and growing skills. It's an image I keep with me when I hear other people complaining about the time their kids spend on games.

My Baby Rides the Short Bus

2009-08-07T11:35:00.005-04:00

This book is a collection of essays written by parents of "Special Ed" kids who are outside of the mainstream. You know, NOT the families portrayed in the news or on TV shows. Real people finding their way with their real children.

It's available for pre-order on Amazon

Advance praise and information about the book can be found at the Short Bus Book website

Kick ass cover art by Liz Baillie

And, yeah, I gots me an essay in the book

Carnival of Unschooling

2009-08-01T15:40:00.002-04:00

Check it out! There's a brand-ee new Carnival of Unschooling over at The Expanding Life. It looks like there are some interesting entries - including one by yours truly :) Enjoy!!

Ethan's New Interest

2009-07-29T20:23:00.002-04:00

Ethan has developed an interest in photography. These are from an afternoon that Ben pulled him around the neighborhood in the wagon. I think he has a pretty good eye, but I might be biased ;)

Worth a Thousand Words

2009-07-29T19:05:00.004-04:00

A few images of what we have been up to the past couple of glorious, sun filled weeks.

Ben's paper sculpture of the painting The Letter by Jan Vermeer. He created this last year and decided to photograph it for posterity.
Detail of the sculpture.
Cards for a game Ben designed, not sure if he made any more.

Arthur and Ethan playing Pokemon on the Gameboys, I like that they are all tangled up in the hammock together.

Learn Nothing Day. Ethan having a Yu Gi Oh duel and Arthur reading a cookbook. Hmmm, we still need to make those pecan brownies!

Ethan's very first lost tooth!!! He decided to keep the tooth and asked for chocolate chip cookies instead of the cash. A boy after my own heart.

My men in our new living room. (Sell, house, sell!)

A quilt that I made for a friends new baby. Well, the baby is 3 months old now, but at least I got it done!

Ben on our fence. He likes to walk along the top of the fence around our yard, he's pretty good!

Happy Wednesday, everyone!!

Learn Nothing Day 2009

2009-07-24T20:41:00.005-04:00

We did our best today. We hid from learning under covers and in closets, but it just didn't work. The learning found us. It seemed disgusted that we thought we could avoid it. We apologized (a bit sheepishly) and got on with our day.

And here is what we did...

David bought a truck last night, the big, beautiful pickup that he has been dreaming of for the past 5 or 6 years. It's a diesel and he discovered that driving a diesel isn't like driving a regular gas engine vehicle. The biggest difference is that taking your foot off of the gas does not cause the diesel to slow down significantly and I must say, I'm happy that I was not in the truck for that particular learning experience! He's been reading about the engine tonight and researched toppers for the bed of the truck. He also went to work today where he steadfastly denies learning anything.

Yu Gi Oh has been very popular lately with all 3 boys so much of the day was spent in the world of duel decks.

Ben watched a lot the first season of Yu Gi Oh on youtube where he was surprised to see that the original creator of dueling (in the show, at least) was not exactly a great guy. Pegasus is trying to obtain another millennium item to free someone he loves and in the process, has made some bad decisions that hurt people. Ben felt that his intentions were good, but distorted by his choices. It will be a great conversation for another day (or not), but today was about watching the show. Ben was also excited to learn more about the millennium puzzle, in depth information he did not have before watching the old episodes.

Ethan has been refining his drawing skills and he created some very delicate pen and ink drawings this morning. He rips them up as soon as he finishes, so they are transient works. He has been watching the Yu Gi Oh duel academy series, which has sparked some incredible imaginative play. He is learning how to use the cards from watching the show and playing with Ben. My favorite part of his game is when he sings the theme song of the show before engaging in an imaginary duel. I so wish that I could see what he sees when he is involved in his imaginary worlds.

Arthur branched out today from his usual Pokemon, seek and find and I Spy books. Cookbooks are his passion of the day and he has chosen some nice recipes, including a pecan brownie that we will be baking in the near future. He didn't want to cook today, only plan. Arthur decided that he did not like reading books about diesel engines even if they do come in nifty black cases with a zipper.

My day started out researching privacy curtains for RV bunk beds. Since we are soon going to be 5 people in a 30 foot trailer, curtains for the boys' space will be important. I made hush puppies for the first time, but they were not as good as I had hoped. I'll have to figure out why my Nana's are so much better! It was a Yu Gi Oh day for me, as well. Ben has put together a starter deck for me and I had my very first duel. I kind of suck, but I'll learn as I go along.

One of the cards is called Tower of Babel and we googled the story from the Bible to see if it had anything to do with the cards effects. Since the card does 3,000 damage and God destroyed the tower and all around it, we decided yes, similarities found. Ben and I talked about the fact that the story of the tower helped explain to people how different languages emerged, like creation stories and mythology in every culture have explained events that people did not have the science or tools to understand.

It's 9pm and we continue to learn. David is showing Ethan how to fix a leak in a radiator and Arthur is sorting plastic animals by color. Ben continues with his Yu Gi Oh shows, refining his duel deck as he's watching. In addition to writing this, I learned that blood does, indeed, come out of white carpet.

Happy Learn Nothing Day!!

Curiosity Killed the Cat, Satisfaction...

2009-07-23T19:28:00.003-04:00

Ben found a trial sized tube of toothpaste in the van (courtesy of a visit to the dentist a month ago) and his first thought was "I wonder what would happen if we ran this over with the minivan?"

So we did.
We were rewarded with 6 1/2 feet of minty fresh splatter. Excellent!!

New Adventures

2009-07-19T14:03:00.003-04:00

We've talked and planned and schemed for the past couple of months. Should we? Shouldn't we? Now? Later?

Decisions have been made. We should. Now.

Our house is for sale, the fifth wheel and truck have been chosen, the boys are nervous and excited (as are David and I). We will be leaving to travel the country as soon as our house sells. The possibilities are endless!! We have a list of places that we want to visit; Legoland, Disneyland, the salt flats, the redwood forests, all 5 great lakes, the beaches on the gulf coast, South Carolina to see the spanish moss hanging from the trees, Death Valley, the Grand Canyon and family in several states. The list seems to get a bit longer every day. The U.S. map on the wall has taken on a new significance in our lives and Ethan delights in pointing at random spots on the map, shouting "there!" "Yes", we say, "yes, we will go there."

For now we wait. Anyone want to buy a house out west?

Chickens, Fire, Fourth of July

2009-07-14T09:02:00.008-04:00

We had a great time shopping for fireworks this year. Ben announced that he would light ALL of them, with no help from David. Arthur and Ethan favor the "pop its" - small paper twists that are thrown on the ground to pop. I preferred the fireworks that shoot colored sparks into the air.

Then Ben spotted the chickens.

Chickens that when lit, would roll forward while laying "sparkling, colored eggs".

I wish that I had a picture of the chickens for you, but I don't. I was laughing too hard.

When the fuse on the chicken's nether region was lit, it promptly burst into flames and emitted a horrible shrieking noise. No rolling, no eggs. Just fire and screams. BEST FIREWORK EVER.

The other stuff we bought was pretty good, too.

Arthur and his sparkler.
Ethan and his sparkler.
Ethan discovers that sparklers have a dark side. Ouch.

Ben lighting the fireworks - serious business. He did a nice job and it was fun for me and David to sit back and watch the show.

David enjoyed the show so much, he forgot about the 2 elk burgers on the grill. Mmmmmmmm.

Anyone hungry?

Wednesday Discovery

2009-07-08T15:50:00.004-04:00

To all those who might be skeptical that a child will choose a rich and diverse selection of activities on their own, I present the stack of DVD's that I cleaned out of Ben's room today.

Discovery Channel's Walking With Cavemen
Harry Potter 1,2 and 3
The Simpson's Movie
Discovery Channel's Prehistoric Planet
Spongebob Season 1
Pokemon Heroes The Movie
Kung Fu Panda
Digimon Movie
Yu Gi Oh - Battle City Duels
A Series of Unfortunate Events
Eragon
Nova - Elegant Universe
Avatar Book 3 Complete Collection
2 Monty Python's Flying Circus episodes

Among the DVD's were several books (2 Harry Potter's that he's re-reading, Magyk, 3 Calvin and Hobbes collections, 2 Bloom County collections, Animorphs books 7-18, Cricket magazine, and a Mario gaming book)

Also found in the area, paper projects (3-D boxes with designs, pictures made with cut paper, a small paper cannon to shoot confetti), a bamboo skewer fishing rod, and many lego creations.

I've cleaned his room (with his permission) and it's ready for his next round of creative activity!

A Few of My Favorite Things

2009-07-04T17:14:00.002-04:00

Ethan laughing until he stops making any sounds.

Arthur snuggling in bed with us at night.

Ben talking to me about his interests and passions.

Finding DVD's on netflix that we can watch together (history of video games, the breakfast club, the madness of henry the VIII, yu gi oh)

David running in the backyard with the boys.

Sunshine days.

A professional massage (woo hoo!)

Arthur playing gameboy.

Ethan watching Peep and the Big Wide World on the computer and laughing.

Arthur knowing all of the words to the Peep episode from watching it months ago.

Ben and David having fun at Yellowstone.

Happy 4th!

All Together Now

2009-06-27T11:26:00.003-04:00

I have had a difficult time writing since we came home from LiG at the end of May. So much has changed for us as a family, but the words to express it have eluded me. David and I were talking about it over coffee yesterday morning and he feels the same way. Yesterday afternoon, Ben informed me that he has felt different since we attended LiG. He said he finally, truly understands what we are striving for with our unschooling life. As he was asleep when David and I were talking, it's obvious that we are all feeling the shift in energy in the house. I took it as a sign that it was time to write, so here I am trying to pull words out of the air to explain our change in attitude.

Our path to unschooling has been a long one, but one that many families have walked before us. Ben went to preschool at 3, then a private school starting in kindergarten. David and I weren't thrilled with the lack of programs for our bored young son, but we had no idea that we could choose another way. By second grade he was a miserable wreck, we discovered homeschooling and he came home in April of that year. Arthur followed him home a year later (his story, in part) and Ethan did not attend school until we moved to MT. (A bit about that here)

We did the whole school at home routine, which was a dismal failure and began to move away from the idea of curriculum and structured learning. The problem was that as we were learning to unschool the schooly stuff, we were still clinging to some more traditional parenting ideas. David and I continued to read and learn, letting go of bad ideas and questioning ourselves constantly to evolve into better parents and people. Our work in this area continues on a daily basis as I expect it will every day for the rest of our lives.

We were doing well before the conference, it's just very difficult to reverse a lifetime of thinking and habits. Life was changing for the better in our home, but it was going forward in baby steps. Baby steps can be a bit discouraging. The boys weren't sure of what we were trying to achieve, even when we talked to them about it. I think they felt lost and were reacting to the disappearance of what they had always known. They weren't sure of their role to play in this new family framework.

I don't know why attending the conference would cause such a dramatic leap forward for us. Maybe it wasn't the conference itself as much as the timing of the conference, but I do think it was LiG that made the difference. Immersing ourselves in the energy of so many unschooling families helped us reaffirm that this is the life we want to lead.

We find that we are "in the moment" with our boys a lot more and more easily, worrying less about what needs to be done and appreciating so many little moments in the day. Laughing when Arthur doesn't want to go to bed because he wants to snuggle with us until midnight and beyond, playing pretend ToonTown with Ethan even though we never seem to be able to perform completely to his satisfaction, enjoying the projects Ben sets up in our room because he's 12 and likes to be with us. It's easier for us to see beyond the behavior of both our boys and ourselves to the underlying causes. Less effort to come up with multiple solutions to any bump in the road.

It's as if all of the concepts that we understood intellectually have made a home in our souls, have become a part of who we are in a much deeper way. We are at peace with ourselves, our boys and our lives. What an incredible gift.

At the conference, I overheard one father (just one, everyone else was very positive) talking about how disgusted he was with parents who have older kids and are coming to unschooling late because their relationships with their kids are rocky and they are trying to figure out what went wrong. He appeared to have the attitude that if you didn't get it from the start, you're not as good as others who have. This person is mistaken and I wish that I had the courage to speak up at the time. Parents coming late to unschooling should be supported and encouraged because they, too, have looked at their lives and said there has to be a better way. It simply happened later in their journey. They have decided to change everything they have known about parenting in order to reconnect with their kids before they move out and away, rather than endure a bad situation because that is accepted as"normal" in our society. As one of those latecomers, I know how hard it is to make that change. David and I know how rewarding it is because we've been the "before".

The "after" is so much better and worth every step of the journey.

Happy Birthday to Ben!

2009-06-24T18:59:00.008-04:00

Ben recently celebrated his 12th birthday...twice. Well, why not? His first dinner was when my mom was visiting in early June and a great time was had by all.

See how much fun everyone is having?
Of course, I haven't served the cake yet. The cake that Arthur could not resist. Sweet, delectable frosting balloons. Hasn't everyone harbored a secret desire to take a bite out of the side of a cake? Are Arthur and I the only ones? For his actual birthday, Ben requested sushi cupcakes. They look pretty good! They tasted gross and it's the first time EVER that we've thrown away cupcakes. I don't know if it was the coconut/sour cream frosting (to resemble rice) or the liberal use of fruit roll ups as decoration. I would like to say for the record, I was only following the recipe.

Ben had a gamers birthday with Wii, DS and gameboy games, a third Wiimote and nunchuck. This was the only non-gamers gift in the bunch, but I don't think he was disappointed.

If you haven't read Jeff Smith's graphic novel series Bone, we highly recommend it. Go forth and find a copy. Immediately, I'll wait.

I love Ethan's face in the above picture, he's so excited about the Wii game!

Three happy guys, even though Arthur looks like he's in pain. It's his "cheese" face and we cannot persuade him to do anything else when taking a posed shot.

Happy Birthday, Ben!!!

Well, Of Course You Are!

2009-06-23T17:57:00.006-04:00

phone call to Ben Sunday AM while he was out and about.

Me: "Hey, Ben - where are you?"

Ben "Oh, I'm just hanging out at the park with Sara."

Me:"OK, have fun!"

Ben: "We are! I'm using grass stems to explain string theory."

Me: "........."

just another day in the neighborhood

Random Dailies

2009-06-10T17:27:00.012-04:00

Our daily rhythms are shifting into summer mode, going to bed later, more time spent outdoors, browning, skinned kneed bodies and sun streaked hair. The vegetable garden is planted, our fence is up and all is well with the world! At least our little corner of it :)

We had a fun, all too short visit with the Brown family this week. We met at the LiG conference and they stopped by on their month long tour of the West. All 5 of our combined boys had a great time(and so did D and I) before they headed off for Yellowstone and the Tetons. Hope you guys stayed warm camping!

Jersey is a sweetheart and apparently believes that she should be spoiled on a daily basis.

Seriously, the dog thinks she's kid #4.
My mom came for a week long visit - it was a surprise for the boys. I flew out to Rhode Island for my cousin's beautiful, laid back, great food and people to talk to beach wedding and mom decided to fly back with me. B, A and E came with D to pick me up and the look on their faces when they saw their "Nan" was fantastic. E actually gasped with surprise!
E's typical expression at any given moment. He cracks me up.

A's new GameBoy, a gift from his Nan when she realized how much he loves B's. Playing video games is an emerging skill for him and I sense a lot of practicing of this skill in his immediate future. I'm sure big brother will be happy to show him the ropes.That's all folks!

Back to Reality

2009-06-07T16:14:00.004-04:00

Life is Good was an incredible experience. Just. Incredible. I am so glad that we decided to attend. When we first started talking about going to the conference, it just seemed weird. Out of our comfort zone. As May 21st neared, D and I had varying degrees of "stage fright". Would our kids be OK? Would we?

This whole unschooling thing is pretty new for us - really and truly letting go about a year ago. The more we read on different yahoo groups and blogs, the more unschooling seemed to be the right path for us. Going to the conference with people who write and encourage others was inspiring. Hearing about how even the parents who have been unschooling for years still struggle with "schooly" thoughts and do not always make the right decisions helps us to accept our own mistakes and strengthen our resolve to do better every day.

I felt like a creepy unschooling stalker, meeting some of the people whose words help me to see a better way to live. There were a couple of people I thanked for writing, I know that these parents take time out of their busy lives to help others and I believe that they should be thanked. I just hope I didn't come off as a complete wacko since any comments I could make were on the run after A and E!

D enjoyed the dad's only chat, hearing about the journey these other father's have been on. The kids just bloomed in the energy of the conference. B connected with a couple of kids and we didn't see him for most of the weekend. It was great to see him so happy and relaxed. A loved the concert by Amy Steinberg, he danced and danced, by himself and with people he didn't know. He also enjoyed the music, light show and fog machine at the dance Sunday night. Once he accepted the hotel room as "home", he was pretty stress-free. When he was overwhelmed, we went back to the room. E had a great time, but stayed pretty close to me and D. He loved Schuyler Waynforth (a presenter and great parent who is willing to help out those of us struggling to find our way) because she played a "poke" game with him that had him belly laughing every time he saw her. We were so busy soaking it all in that I didn't take a single picture!

It's been a bit of an adjustment, joining reality again after the insulated little world of the conference. I can understand why people journey to conferences around the country. (and the world - there's one in England this summer) We'll be at LiG next year, for sure!

http://www.northeastunschoolingconference.com/
http://www.goodvibrationsconference.com/
http://www.londonunschoolingconference.com/
http://weshineconference.blogspot.com/

Some upcoming conferences, just in case anyone feels like travelling ;)